I quit smoking cigarettes. I quit drinking. I even quit smoking pot recently. I thought losing all these things that numb me out would help me feel again, but the only thing that seems to accomplish that is when I cut. Its been 7 years on and off and at this point I feel like I have no other way. I'm overwhelmed. Nobody around me has gone through this, and I don't know how to get out of it anymore. The support systems I once had in place are no longer available. I don't want to go to the hospital again, I just don't want to hurt myself anymore. Its damn hard to get it together when you feel so stuck in the cycle.
The many achievements you've made so far show that you're more than capable of kicking this addiction as well. You are not alone in this fight and people won it, and you can win it too. But maybe going to hospital might actually be the answer. What bothers you so much about hospital?
i can understand that feeling. I really can. For a long time i felt the same and it resulted in me avoiding the hospital like the plague for almost ten years. I had many bad experiences there and i had an awful lot of conflicts too due to me not wanting to be there and them feeling like they could not help me properly because i felt like i was a prisoner and not a patient.
But you keep learning for aas long as you live and i have since had a short stay in hospital and found it helpful. I came to realise that maybe the staff were not the only ones who found it difficult to help me, maybe i wasn't doing an awful lot to let them help me either. The thing is that when hospital doesn't help it's usually because the communication between staff and patient fails at some point. the people at the hospital are there to help you recover and not hinder you. They want to help but they can only do that if you ask them for help. My advice is that if you do go back, to try to talk to them when you struggle. Tell them as much as you feel able to and allow them to support you. It is amazing what a little bit of extra communication can do in situations like these.
Hospitals can be scary places but the fear you feel can also become a self fulfilling prophecy in the respect that it can feed on itself and increase even if there is no basis for you to feel unsafe. Yeah, crazy people can be scary but there are people out there who would find us scary too when we are at our worst.
Most people will also warm up a lot if you talk to them. Just a little bit of different perspective.
I hope you can find just a little bit of hope in the replies you have gotten to this thread. Most of us have been there. Getting better is scary and hard but it's definetely worth it!!!!!
"One second at a time" are very wise words, my friend. I'm glad you came to this conclusion.
I used to have this fear as well. My stepfather was seriously unwell, he was on wellfare and in the system for many years, and some people he associated with were just as unwell. This made me think that its how things always work - once you get inpatient, you'll be stuck in the system for years to come. But it isn't true. There are people that are seriously ill and need medical help for most of their lives, but in most cases you get better, and even more independent that you was before. Don't be afraid. You aren't going to be stuck.
Thank you, very much. As for the wise words, my coworker corrected me once when I had said "one day at a time," I like to think one can get through a few seconds a lot easier than a few hours or even minutes. I'm just trying to hold out hope, friend. I hope you're doing well today. Thank you again for the reply, truly.
You're a very kind and wise person. I am really pleased to get to know you, and please, take care of yourself, because the world needs more people like you.
I understand what you're trying to say. "One day at a time" it's a common saying, but for people like us that wrestle with their own mind, sometimes one day will feel like a hell of a long time. So its best to make our milestones shorter.
The world needs more people like us* people that care for those struggling. We have to take our wins when we can. Feel free to contact me anytime, I appreciate kindness and offer support where I can! "sometimes i’m like “why am i still here” but then i realize that i’m often the only person who is around to take bad-to-eat stuff out of my dog’s mouth and i think there’s this sort of western idea of “if youre not CEO youre nothing special” but my dog is still alive bc of me and i’m still alive bc of other people so maybe i’m just here to pet cats and wear sweaters and help people take the glass out of their mouth. you know? maybe i won’t be CEO but maybe i’ll be able to help somebody afford their trip home. and i think that’s pretty okay, you know?" not my quote I found it on tumblr or something, but it's always something I try to keep in my head. You seem like one of these people and I appreciate you.
I've been struggling, really really badly. I have an appointment on Monday with my therapist, it's been a couple years since I've gone this route. But I feel at a loss. Thank you for checking in. My brain feels like its been put through a blender.
