Borderline personality disorder?

[GirlWithTheBrokenSmile]

Recently discovered this must be what i have, at uni i thought they said borderline bi-polar and then i researched borderline personality disorder and it makes so much more sence. Theres 2 people in my head. This bitch that wants what she wants. Mostly people to feel bad. Like her. Empathize. Undestand. Be miserable like she is.
Then there's the real me. Kind, caring, compassionate. The side of me that wants to make everyone happy. The me that will do what anyone else wants no matter the cost to me. And the two of them are battling it out inside my head. And jesus its killing me! Sorry this should probably be in my journal as its just a rant of my meased up thoughts but hey. My point is.. Anyone else got a personality dissorder n wants to chat?

[Buttons.]

I wouldn't advocate self diagnosis, but I can identify a fair bit with the feeling like there's two parts of you, the bitter unhappy part and the caring, hopeful compassionate part. When I feel like I'm caught in a battle between the two I try to think to myself 'well if I act on the bitter unhappy part, how will I feel about my actions tomorrow?' And likewise if I act on the hopeful, compassionate side, even just with little things, how will I feel tomorrow?' I'm guessing you'll feel better after acting on the 'good' side. Just might help to rationalise a bit when you feel caught between the two.

[GrimmFaerieTale]

I had a similar experience at uni of a diagnosis of BPD and at the time it felt like it fitted me. I'm now 7 years on and have recently had this changed to 'personality traits' for the moment as the full diagnosis just didn't sit right with me any more. Whether the original diagnosis (from a CPN with the Crisis Team) wasn't correct, was just a possibility or is still correct now I'm not sure. But what I would really recommend is to thoroughly explore this with your care team so you've got the best understanding of it yourself and how what you are experiencing fits this. There is a BPD thread somewhere, maybe you could join that as well so you can chat to others who may be experiencing similar things?

Like Buttons says, self diagnosis is not ideal and I'd be wary of the information that is easily found on the internet/books unless you can be sure it's from legitimate sources and, even more essential, based on up to date and in depth research/professionals. There is a lot of stigma and misinformation surrounding BPD both from the public and some professional areas xxx