Judging myself by the achievements of others

[bitomato]

I have felt that I missed out each day. Seeing other people meet goals that I had hoped for myself- especially professionally and with their talents. Receiving recognition. Even when I do well it seems to be in shadow.
I try to remind myself that it is the depression and if I didn't have this challenge I could see how much I have accomplished too.
But all I can think about is not making it then, not making it now- and not possessing the resilience to hang in there to make it in the future.
Pointless.

If I lash out in anger- I will come across as bitter and petty.
If I keep it in and don't deal with it- I am afraid it will rise up when I least expect it.

But I cannot see where to move on without being a martyr for mental health or a fake- and pretend it isn't my battle to fight.

[tiptoes]

I think we have all been there when we have judge ourselves negatively based on the achievements of others. It is normal thing that everyone does from time to time but in my experience it is something that depression can ramp up several notches. It is something I struggle with a lot at times, sorry I have words of advice but I can relate.

Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel? Maybe there is some balance between keeping things inside and lashing out.

[bitomato]

Hi, While I have a treatment team I keep going through these massive upheavals in my life that leave me to feel abandoned.
I understand that when I am more depressed I feel more like a failure when the facts don't add up. But my "accomplishments" always feel mediocre.
The few times that I have done "well" it has unfortunately been swept under the carpet due to the time and my personality (not looking for recognition).

It just happened that around this time everything is colliding and I am feeling acutely subpar.

[bitomato]

I am trying to build my social network so that everything isn't focused around study and state of my life "accomplishments"

[Scumbelina]

I can completely relate to how you feel. I compare myself to others all the time & feel particularly inadequate when I see people my own age or younger than being successful in life! I think social media is very good at giving us a false idea of how easily people achieve things.

The thing I find that helps me is to try to think of my mental illness as a physical illness, it helps me to not be so hard on myself when comparing myself to other people my age. Just say to yourself: "It's my illness that's held me back, not laziness or lack of talent"

[bitomato]

Hey, Yes. I am trying to focus on the physical aspects- re: chemical imbalance etc. But the upset about the injustices or inequities in life. Like I can talk about certain health conditions with some degree of safety. However, I always have to worry about the long term consequences of stigma and discrimination having been a victim of it for much of my life. So now when I want to celebrate my accomplishments- I feel forced into silence.

Right now, I am dancing around a crisis alone. Going to the ER is an option for most "physical ailments" though.....I know where the rabbit hole goes though.....

Thanks for your thoughts.