Contains abuse - My abuse ex still haunting me

LozzyGirl · 12-05-2017, 01:18 AM

Hello. Basically about 6 months ago I broke up with my abusive partner. We were together for three years. I am still so suprised at how what he did to me still effects me. He never hit me, although he did more or less threaten on a couple of occasions (He said things like 'if you really piss me off I wont be able to stop myself' and even raising his hand to me a few times) but he was very controlling. Everything had to be done HIS way or it was the wrong way. If I had a different opinion on something than him I was wrong. It was even what I'd consider petty things like when we moved in together he picked where all the furniture went. I ended up picking where one thing went but only after I basically spoke up about it (in other words an argument happened)

So six months ago I finally managed to leave him. And somehow he is still managing to mess up my life. I moved out, and some of my stuff is still at his (He's being very difficult about me getting the stuff back) so I currently have to stay in touch with him. On a regular basis he will have a go at me over messanger for whatever he pleases at the time. I try to defend myself but I tend to end up in pieces over it either way. And even now I keep expecting people to react to things the same way he would. I keep expecting people to get really angry over something small. I still feel like I have to defend myself when I want to go out.

And now I have found out that he gave me an STD. He manipulated me into having sex with him even though he knew he had an STD (I was on the pill) So now I'm trying to get on with my life, and I feel like I still can't because of him. I have a friend who we've been flirting on and off for a very long time, (I'm not currently interested in a relationship and neither is he, but we are both interested in a friends with benefits relationship) and I cannot pursue it because of this. I'm getting the STD treated but it's currently unsure when it will be gone.

I guess I am currently really depressed and really angry and I do not know how to deal with this right now. I have supportive friends, but aside from ranting to them about things I really don't know how to deal.

Schmisse · 06-06-2017, 02:29 AM

The only power he has over you is extremely weak in the sense it's material things, and by extention an emotional grip. Your best way to proceed is to rob him of that control on you and weather his childish, controlling response to that.

There's a way in India a mighty elephant is trained to think it cannot pull up the root of a tree it's tied to. They start it when it is young, they tie it to a tiny sapling, then as it gets older it doesn't realise that it can easily pull that weak tree, that weak MAN, out of the ground and walk their own path in life.

I'm talking of learned helplessness, it's something I think you need to research and get yourself out of. Free yourself from this weak man, you just need to pull out the withered weed that he is that you are tied to. Pull him right out of the ground and if you like you will drag him bloody behind you and his pleading screams will hopefully amuse.

Take care and learn to kick ass!

_Melanie_ · 16-06-2017, 08:31 AM

Hi there. Sorry you're having so much stress. I don't know your situation, but I just wanted to suggest maybe sacrificing the things still at his house and just cutting ties if at all possible. Sometimes, materialistic things aren't worth sacrificing your mental health.

Again though, don't know what kind of things he has of your, if they are sentimental or if you just can't financially support them. Just something to consider.