Ok this is going to be a bit of a long (positive) rant, so if you don't want to read all that's below, I'm just saying I'm over a year free and my gp said it might be time to lower my meds. I feel like a badass. Yay me! K, you can move on if you like. Thanks for reading.
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I double checked the dates, (had to move my day counter to a new phone), and triple checked my last relapse. And it's official, which is bloddy awesome. And with my doc saying we can lower meds, it's beyond great. See, when I was really young, I set myself a goal called Project Zero. No cigarettes, no drugs and no cuts. And it feels like the naieve dream of a child can actually happen, which is just crazy. Like it still hasn't sunk in. It was a myth. A bed time story so I'd sleep easier. And now...christ.
I did something weird a few weeks ago. I looked at myself in the mirror. Like a full length one, for the first time in years. I did it ton of times with clothes on, but not like this. I don't know if that's a guy thing not to do it, or a body image thing, or a SHer thing, but it's been years. And I saw, well I saw the scars. They're there and always will be, but in terms of square feet of skin, it's not all there is. And it's the same with any SHer. My left leg has a few, but I'm also a little chubby. My right leg has a few, and I have a defined chest. My right arm is a little more obviously damaged, but I also write stories/poetry and drink coffee with friends. My left arm isn't nice, but I'm also great to my family. And it's good to know that the damage is not all there is. It's a lot, it's definitive, and it won't leave, but there's also frekles and fingers and suit jackets and friends and discussions and, well, you get the idea.
K, I'm done now. Sorry for ranting. Thanks for reading btw.
This is good to read. Well done on being over a year free. I like the way you describe things about yourself and that the sh doesn't define you, you are a poet and many other things.
Congratulations! I love reading positive posts. Keep going strong!
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
I love how you've written this so much. Thank you for sharing. I found it really helpful.
Also, huge congratulations! You've done amazingly well and that is wonderful to read.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
