Suicidal

[chinahorse]

And I haven't done my yoga in 3 days and I'm so fucking fat but I need the food for my meds

[chinahorse]

I want to self destruct. To die. I don't want to go.

[Buttons.]

I'm so sorry you are struggling so much right now but I do genuinely believe that you are stronger than you think.

Wish I had more helpful words to say but thinking of you.

[chinahorse]

Thanks Katy <3

Lana that is a good way to look at it. May write that down.

I'm trying to do that Carmen but then I remember the bigger picture and panic like today.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my cpn. Then I need to grab some bits like leggings and tights and toothpaste.

Friday afternoon and Saturday morning work.

Then Saturday afternoon and Sunday pack. Maybe treat myself to a starbucks.

[chinahorse]

I need to pack but that means it's actually happening. And I was told to pack for a 2 week holiday but I don't know what to bring.

[Sketchy]

Why don't you start off by writing a list. You'll obviously need plenty of clothes and toiletries, but what about things for distractions? And things that calm you.

[chinahorse]

I've pretty much packed. I'd already written a list. My suitcase is so full but I blame the bedding and towels. They must be expecting me to bring stuff right? I like clothes. And I'm upset I can't take more.

[Sketchy]

It sounds like you are organised. Could you do things to distract yourself until the time comes? I read on the distraction thread that you were pampering yourself. That's good. Keep doing things like that.

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs Lillie Richmond has an awesome Starbucks ! I agree with Lana and I'm rioting for you all the way. You truly deserve this opportunity.

[chinahorse]

Thanks guys. I had a nap and got through the day. Now I'm more bored than anything but pain levels are stopping me doing much and no more pampering.

Yes I've been in a starbucks there. It's nice.

I'm so scared now. I'm scared my pain won't be understood and I'll be forced to leave. I'm also scared I'll be in a lot of pain as stress makes it soar.

[Sketchy]

Maybe they will be understanding. Have you explained your situation and have they discussed what will happen? Keep talking to them about it. Make them aware of it.

[chinahorse]

All I jeep doing is stress eatin and I'm so worried about how fat I'm getting but I can't stop.

[chinahorse]

I asked a lot about pain and explained some stuff but wasn't given much reassurance.

[Sketchy]

I wish I had answers to reassure you, but I do hope they help you and your pain looked after too. Try be hopeful. Hopeful that you will get the help you need. Easier said than done I know. But you are taking this step for your own well being and should be proud of how brave you are. Things will get better.

[chinahorse]

Thank you for such kind words and your continuing support lorraine.

[Sketchy]

You are very welcome.

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs xx

[[Luna]]

Thinking of you beautiful Lillie, you're being really brave <3

[Nymphadora Tonks]

Have been thinking of you Lilliekins and am hoping the move goes as smoothly as can be. This has been a long time coming, you've deserved something substantial help for a long time. You're so strong to be starting this, it must be really daunting but you've faced a lot of daunting things and come out the other side. You can do this.

<3

[chinahorse]

Awww thank you all so much. <3

I'm really nervous now. Can't sleep.