Hello,
I am an 18 year old American and am an au pair in France. I was hoping someone had some advice for me. This is my first time ever being away from home. I am taking a year off from college and thought it would be a good experience. However, ever since the first day I got here, I have cried at least 3 times every day. And I don’t mean just shed a few tears, I mean literally having nervous breakdowns. I miss my family and my boyfriend and my home more than anything. Every time I think about them I cry. I have to be in contact with them all the time so that I don’t have a panic attack, and it’s really difficult with the 6 hour time difference. It is honestly the worst feeling in the entire world. I told the au pair before me, who is a friend of mine, about this hoping for advice, but she went to the family and told them within the first week that I was thinking about going home. The family told her I had to decide within the month if I’m leaving now or staying the whole year. They never said anything to me, so I thought I would talk to the mom myself to see if she had any advice and for some extra support. However, she told me I needed to decide by the end of the week. So of course that totally threw me off guard. My mom flew here as soon as she could to help me and to talk things out, since she knows me better than anyone. Even when she was here, I cried almost every day, dreading when she had to leave. We decided we would talk to the dad and see if it was possible for me to leave in December(I already have a plane ticket home then for Christmas break and then I am supposed to return after Christmas and stay until June). However, he said that would be worse because the kids will get attached to me, and that if and when I leave they are not going to have any more au pairs. He said they needed an answer in the next few days. I never gave him an answer, but I assume they think I am staying as my mom left 4 days ago and I am still here. We had the conversation about a week and a half ago.
I know many of you will say to go out and do things to keep myself busy, but I have been doing that. I have many au pair friends, have gone out to Paris, am taking French classes etc. There have been a few fun times, but the bad days and me being sad completely override the good days. I have talked to two therapists since I arrived, one from back home over skype about 3 times, and one that is here in France that I actually went to see. Nothing seems to be helping. I really know that I want to go home, but I am worried about what the family will think as it has been so long since our conversation. I also worry about how everyone else will be disappointed in me. I feel so depressed and am sad all the time. I don’t feel like I fit in with the family. I have never felt like this before, and now I feel like this every single day. If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, please let me know!
It's a tough one because at the end of the day, if you want to go home and things are feeling that bad and unstable then maybe that is for the best but equally, will you regret it if you go home?
I first moved away (to france infact) and I do think it's completely natural to be home sick, espcially the first time and being so far away is bound to be unsettling. It is totally understandable. The best things for me is to not speak to my parents much..if you speak to them all the time you are more likely to miss them/home etc. Keeping busy is good.
As much as I would try and encourage you to stick it out..it is great experience, I think you need to tell the family pretty soon if you intend on going home, so they can make reasonable arrangements. I don't understand why you can't go home for christmas? I feel like that is a reasonable request.
Anyway, whatever you decide, it sounds like there are lots of people there to support you which is good.
Keep posting here if you need/want to.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
Thank you for the advice. I really don't know what to do. It's been a month and I still have to force myself out of bed every morning. I woke up the morning and just broke down. I feel so depressed and I don't know if it's worth it to be here, but I feel trapped. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like letting people down, and I'm nervous to talk to the family and tell them that it might be best for me to go home.
Well the thing is, they told my mom and I when she was here that once I leave, they are not going to have another au pair. I also feel like if I talk to them about it they will be very upset since they predicted from the beginning that I would not get over it. I've been told it goes away with time, but it's still as bad if not worse as when I got here.
I understand not letting anyone down but at the end of the day if your not happy then you need to do what is best for you.
I agree with Epic that it could quiet possibly be because you feel unsettled\ Havn't connected with the family. I suggest trying to talk to them. If they aren't going to get a different au pair then that is the families decision and isn't up to you and I don't think you should use that in your reasoning to stay. They shouldn't put that upon you.
I think you need to sit down and write a pro/con list or talk to your mum or someone else about it and decide what to do. I feel like the decision to stay/leave is probably feeling quiet unsettling aswell and once you have decided (either way) you will probably feel a lot better.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I agree that I will feel better once a decision is made. I talked to the mom again, and she said I could think about it and talk to her again in a week or two. I think when we talk again, I am going to say I can stay until December, but if you would rather me go now I will. I just don't want to feel like a complete failure, and I feel like if I stay until then it's still an accomplishment
Hi, I'm a french au pair in Spain, and I think I have the same problem, maybe a little bit lighter because I'm not crying everyday but I always feeling sad and uncomfortable with the children and the family.
We talk about it with the parents and they're sure that the solution is to be closer to the children but I can't, I tried to feel better but nothing change. So I wanted to know how your situation is going on now ?
Maybe it would help me to take a decision...
