In constant crisis

[Perplex010]

Hi everyone

Just wanted to see if anyone can relate.

I'm in constant crisis, have been for about the last 6 months. Something traumatic happened to me in December and I've been really struggling to cope. I keep thinking I should just "pull myself together" but I can't seem to do it for any real length of time.

I'm not ready to have counselling, just not mentally strong enough yet.

I keep getting the police called on me because I am dealing with almost constant suicidal thoughts. The helplines I've rung have to ring the police as their duty of care but I'm starting to get annoyed now because it is usually pointless. I've tried ringing the Samaritans but never find them warm or sympathetic.

I had the police and ambulance called on me today because I expressed suicidal thoughts/intent to someone. The police went storming through my Grandmothers house after finding her house key, even though I wasn't there. Eventually a PCSO turned up at my door (My Mum's house) with a colleague and the ambulance. I didn't want to go to hospital but made a promise to the paramedics I wouldn't do anything to harm myself today.

I'm fed up of going to A&E only to be sent home after 9 hours being told to distract myself. I wish I could find a way at the moment to feel better. Crisis team, CMHT, and the GP somehow seem to fall short of the mark. I do my best to help myself - self manage, attend AA, take Venlafaxine. What else?

[Marshmallow.]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad right now.
I can kinda relate to how you feel, I'm not in constant crisis but it comes and goes.
Its difficult to think you need to 'pull yourself together' because in one sense you're right but at the same time you need to be kind to yourself. Take some time for you, just relax and be.
I've never found helplines particularly helpful. I called Samaritan crying so badly I could hardly speak and told them I was feeling suicidal. The woman told me to go make myself a cup of rea and some toast...
Is there anyone else you could speak to rather than calling up these helplines? Family or friends perhaps?
Are you involved with the CMHT atm? Perhaps some therapy or speaking to a CPN would help. I was given that advice when I went to A/E: take my meds, self manage. It's not enough though. I think that if you don't have any other psych input you should go to your GP and as for a CPN referral; I've found it to be helpful.
If you need to talk or just vent, feel free to pm me *hugs*

[Perplex010]

Thanks for your reply Marshmallow :) I'm grateful for that.

I wasn't in constant crisis until this thing happened to me in December. Before then I was just about getting over a bad break up and a disaster of a toxic relationship. Then it was just emotional overload - 2 bad things happening in quick succession was just 2 things too many. I feel like I've had enough rubbish happen in my life already. But there we go, life isn't fair I suppose.

I have a CPN. A new one as my old one saw me three times in a year, she really was that elusive. The new one I've only met once, but I had to rearrange (or try to) the appointment today as I had a meeting with my AA sponsor that coincided.

I can't really talk to family or friends. I don't really have many friends, one who lives in London, another near ish me but she's someone I don't want to bother for fear of pushing her away or upsetting her, and some from AA who I mainly lean on for sobriety support.

I'm close to my Grandma but I think I worry her so much I just don't know what to say without stressing her out too much or making her unwell. I'm not particularly close to either of my parents, my Dad lives elsewhere and my Mum suffers from depression and very high blood pressure, so I feel I have to be careful.

[EMH]

hi
im sorry youre having a really tough time. i probably cant be much help but i just wanted to let you know i understand exactly where youre coming from. ive had times where like you ive been in constant crisis for months. i think we just want someone to give us a magic answer. say something that will actually make a difference. and i guess they realise there isnt really one. so 'distract yourself' is the best they can do which makes one feel quite hopeless.
do you listen to music? i have some music where it helps me just escape even for a few minutes. i got some really good headphones so it drowns out everything else going on in my head.
always talk on here even if its all jumbled up if it helps get things out.