I don't even know. I'm happy I finally ended it with him, but I'm pretty down about it, I'm glad my friend is no longer in pain, but I'm so upset that the first person I went to phone to have a chat to when it became 'official' we had broken up was my friend who's being laid to rest on the 14th. In a way I feel numb, but I feel still. I want to just lock myself away, but I'm still motivated to do things. I don't even know how to describe this feeling.
Having a rough time finding anything to distract me from my current circumstances. I'm living each day just waiting for the axe to fall on my head. I cant even enjoy a since moment of peace/relaxation, because I'm worried and consumed about whats ahead, and unless some miracle happens, it looks pretty bleak if I'm being totally honest. I try to block it out of my head and live for the day, but I just can't! I can't sleep unless I drink myself into a coma now and I'm hungover every day (all day). I feel I'm fighting a losing (pointless) battle, and I'm sick of fighting for no logical reason. I'm so very very tired, and find life to be a meaningless struggle. Nobody cares; nobody! Its a selfish, cruel world and when push comes to shove, the only one you can count on, is yourself! Its always just been - me/myself/and I, and I don't know how much longer I can endue!
what makes us make the choices we make? I've decided to try and be alone for a while to try and find happiness on my own but I'm having second thoughts and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing
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