I'm in a similar position in terms of length of time free and still having urges.
I'm not going to pretend I don't find it a very gloomy situation but on the positive side it's good to think about all the things you have survived in the last 3.5 years without scratching or cutting. Every single time I thought the only way to cope with a situation was to cut, turns out I coped without cutting, so chances are I can this time too :)
I've actually been reflecting on this a lot recently and have been thinking about how urges to cut could be our mind's way of alerting us to woe. So whilst some people might get butterflies in their stomach, or find they're being more snappy with people or find it more difficult than normal to get out of bed, our minds got so used to self-harming being the response to difficult situations that even now, that's the way that worry, stress or unhappiness manifests. It's hard because in the moment it really does feel like I actually do just want to cut, but I'm trying to think about it as my brain's default response to anything stressful and tut at it for being so 2012 and think about what might actually be the way I'd like to approach the stressful situation.
I have no idea if that is any use at all, sorry for the ramble!
I am nearly 5 years free and I get urges. Personally I don't think that they'll ever go. What changes is the way you cope with them. Like alcoholics get the urge to drink but they find the courage not to drink. They may need to go to aa still but the main thing is that they stay sober.
So don't give up. One day you'll be 10 years free. If posting here helps then post away.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I feel you. I mean, I REALLY get you, in that I have stopped coming to this site, but I'm on here because I 'fell off the wagon', as it were, yesterday after 3-4yrs without.
I don't really know what to make of it. There's the portion of my mind that's like 'It's OK, it's silly to make count-ups (It's been x years since...) and better to think of it in terms of frequency (it used to be daily, then weekly, monthly, yearly, and now even less frequent, and I'm still improving). And then there's the other half, that's like "you screwed up, and this will clearly NEVER go away, so why not go with it?"
I guess I'd just say, that the internal conflict only grows stronger when you succumb, so don't think that 'just this once' will make things easier. It won't, and you're stronger than that, I promise.
I'm not sure when I last sh'd, several years or so I guess but there's not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Every day free is an amazement to me as sometimes the urge is very strong.
Stick in there, we're all in this together.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
I have been clean for about 2 years now and there are still some situations that make me think about wanting to cut, but I remember how far I have come and how strong I have been and I push through. I actually just recently had a major period of relapse, where I fell back into the habit of self harm but I am over that now and actually find myself feeling guilty about it, wishing it had never happened. At the moment I find it harder to fight the urges but I know as times goes on it will get easier and when I reach 2 years clean again those urges will be so weak that I can fight them off again.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's learning to dance in the rain
RIP - Zuri ~Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
