I'm in need of advice, but I feel better in this forum compared to the Advice one. It has been a little over 2 months of no SI. And I'm feeling like guilt, and stress, and everything that started my cutting is getting worse. For awhile I felt better, but now I can't control my emotions. Everything makes me feel guilty. I can't even be around my family without a feeling of guilt and disgrace. I can't cry, or I cry too much. And I need that control again. I almost need to pull myself out to feel better. I hate hearing how proud people are. I miss the feeling of being able to just relieve it all. My school shrink was talking about recovery and what I considered recovery was. I said going one day with out thinking about it. I said that because I know it will never happen. I don't want to be in recovery. I only stopped because of a teacher humiliating me. And she did it again, and I need to feel better. I have to, because my dad doesn't understand, take everything that teacher gives to me. I can't be me and do that at the same time. I'm not me right now. I'm going too into detail with what's going on with me right now.
My question is when you slipped up after you said you'd stop, what came next?
Last SI: March 1st 2008
Before that: September 29th, 2007
I always told myself it was a part of recovery.. almost like just another obstacle I had to get over, another test that I had to take. I tried to never count a slip up as a failure, always just another test. Then I set higher goals for myself to reach and really work hard for. Soon the goals became infinite and I was fully recovered.
I'm sorry you're finding it so hard. I recently started self harming again after a year and half free. So far nobody knows and i feel so guilty after everyone is saying how proud they are of me.
I'm sorry i don't really have an answer to your question as i'm still wondering myself. But i just wanted you to know i was listening and i hope you can hang in there, i know it's hard.
Life breaks most of us in the end, but afterwards some of us are strong in the broken places
~ Ernest Hemingway
I slip up all the time. I've gone five months without doing it at all, and just when I thought I was finally overcoming it, I slipped up. I've started to just accept it and try to let it slide off me, not feel guilty about it. Eventually, I'll get it right.
*hugs* I know what its like, wondering "what if I don't want to stop?" I recently went through a slip up, and I think the only thing that will ever make you stop is if you really want to and if you've got support from others. After my friends found out I'd slipped up they all got really annoyed with me, which really just made it worse, but I have one friend who I love dearly and I told him how he makes me feel like I could be stronger, that he makes me want to stop, and I got him to write me a note that I look at every time I'm feeling that urge and it makes me stop. Sometimes just having something that makes you stop and think a little more clearly, if even for a few seconds, can be enough to help you at least not do it during that moment.
If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me =)
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<3 Kae
never let it stop you. never let them tell you you can't do it, because every moment you fight you're winning a battle. never let the set backs stop you. when you're hurt, when you're tired? keep going. don't give up.
Please try not to be angry and disappointed because of your slipping up.
SI is an addiction that you cannot overcome easily.
My first slip ups were well, slip ups but two months ago, I started to SI regularly again because I was/ am not ready to stop.
I know how bad it is to feel guilty because of slipping up but now, I think that people should like me for who I am- and if SI is a part of me, they should accept this part, too.
If your friends and your relatives supported you before you stopped, then they should support you when you slip up/ relapse/ start again, too.
I wish you lots of strength and the support you need.
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
