Supporting my brother?

ShootingForTheStars · 20-03-2016, 03:47 AM

(I tried posting this once but forgot my login detail but idk if I posted already? If so then sorry, welcome to delete this)
I really need to so help and advice on how I can support my brother. indont want to share too much of his personal life but I honestly don't know what else I can do. He's struggled with depression, self harm and anxiety for the past 8 months or more (give or take?) but more recently he's struggled with eating. He restricts, self harms when he's eats because he feels guilty and he's lost/losing a lot of weight over a short period of time. There may well be more but that's what I'm aware of. My parents are fully aware of everything I know but apparently don't want to go down the therapy route yet because they (mainly mum) wants to try 'fix' it together and he isn't keen on the idea of therapy but knows in the end it's very possible. My mum keeps saying 'next time we'll have to take you to a professional' but then goes back on it. I'm scared next time will be too late.

I want to help him so bad and most days I make dinner for everyone and obviously make some for him but I feel like I'm just making him feel worse incase he feels bad or guilty and punishes himself and it's my fault because I made food but then if I don't make him dinner he won't eat for the whole day and I'm just making it worse. If that makes sense??

I feel like my parents see him eat and think 'oh yeah, he's getting better *woop to de la la*' and ignore the fact that it's not that simple!! I feel like I'm the only one who can really see the brute facts where as they want to just believe he's getting better and think if they ignore It it will get better. That's not to say that he's not getting better, he may well feel he is but still.

At the moment, the most I can do is talk to him for a couple hours a day and sit with him (we're pretty close so we talk a lot) and talk about alsorts but then it gets to 3am again and for all I know he's gone down hill again and I won't be there. Im probably worrying too much but I just want him to be okay. Is there anything else I can do to help? Im 16 and he's a little older so I can't exactly go on a day out or something like that with him :/

I've restricted and purged (him nor anyone else know about that but it's okay and I don't claim to have an ED in the slightest) and I just really want to help him. Does anyone have any advice at all? I'm scared and worried and I feel stuck and annoyed (not annoyed at him; at myself because I can't help).

Sorry this is so long. Thankyou in advance!

ShootingForTheStars · 20-03-2016, 07:54 PM

I believe he should be able to yes, but I think if you are over 18 you have to pay for therapy don't you? Or maybe it's different if it's done through a GP? Also, I don't think he wants to have therapy unless my Mum essentially makes him. Realistically, I really think he does. I am in school yes, he isn't though. He stays at home most days as he doesn't have a job and he isn't in education.

I haven't actually! I'll be sure to ask him if there's food he finds okay to eat and i'll go from there. If there are foods he feel are more acceptable to eat I could talk to my parents about maybe buying those certain things more rather than the food we currently buy as that might encourage him to eat during the day too. Thankyou so much.

Ah okay :) Thanks again for the advice, I really appreciate it.

Unbreakable. · 20-03-2016, 08:34 PM

You don't pay for therapy unless you go private as far as I'm aware.
The waiting lists are long though.

Have you tried talking to your parents?

ShootingForTheStars · 25-03-2016, 09:07 PM

Oh okay, that's good. Yeah, I've tried asking them what they think we can do to help but they just say they have no ideas except supporting him as much as we can? He seems to be doing somewhat better in the last week or so as he is going out of the house and socialising with friends but I'm still gathering some ideas and such to help him out :)

Okay, thankyou so much! Right okay. I will definitely suggest that too him! Thanks again for all the help :)

MidnightMelodies · 14-04-2016, 02:19 PM

Hi, I just wanted to check in and see how things are going with your brother? I think it's fantastic that you are looking to find a way to get him the help he needs. Too many people have no one close to them who are willing to help, and all too often family and friends just turn away because they don't want to face what is happening.
You said he seemed to be doing a bit better in terms of getting out and socializing, has that continued? Also, were you able to talk to him about foods that are more acceptable?