Telling Therapist About Self Harm

melissafaith · 10-12-2015, 02:39 AM

I had my first therapy appointment in 12 years today. Before I went I had built myself up to discuss why I was there, and I was able to talk about most of it to some extent; however, the big thing is the self harm, and I just couldn't make myself bring it up. Now, I feel like it will be even more awkward to talk about because it looks like I was hiding it (and I guess I was).

So, as silly a question as it is, does anyone have any advice for how to bring it up? Keep in mind that I have difficulty talking about relatively easy topics like my anxiety, so just coming out with the fact that I cut myself is a bit terrifying for me.

Thanks in advance.

Amaryllis · 10-12-2015, 01:52 PM

A good therapist will understand that it takes time to build trust and get to all the issues.

Self harm isn't the core issue of why I go to therapy but I still didn't bring it up until the second appointment with my new therapist and she didn't think I was hiding things.

hider24 · 10-12-2015, 02:26 PM

Hi, melissafaith.
I have had to bring up the issue with many therapists as ive gone thru the system and I've generally had good reactions. I did have one difficulty with a lady that tried to 5150 me for showing her a drawing (relating to self harm) but luckily they didnt put me in the hospital becuase i didn't meet criteria.
But that was my first therapist locally and ive brought it up maybe 5 times with 5 different people and got a helpful reaction.
Sometimes not much, sometimes support.
Im also planning to bring it up soon with a new therapist and ive seen her more than once without bringing it up. I don't think she'll have an issue with it. Sometimes i see someone for months and dont bring it up until im focusing on it.
So im just sharing my experience so you know you're not the only one and you can see that reactions can vary... just know that if the person you tell doesn't take it well, its on them, not you.

melissafaith · 10-12-2015, 10:21 PM

Thank you both for responding; I really appreciate it.

I guess I'm just really nervous about it because one of the reasons I haven't been in therapy for 12 years is because I had a bad experience with the therapist I saw in high school. She would threaten me with the hospital if I didn't show her my cuts/scars and was generally belittling about the whole thing.

It's good to hear about people who have had more positive experiences--I think it will help me build up the confidence to bring it up.

Anyway, long story short, thank you.

192 · 12-12-2015, 01:04 PM

My therapist has a questionnaire I fill out in the lobby before each visit that asks about mood, including thoughts of harming oneself. It helped bring up the topic for me. There are tons of mental health surveys online, maybe if your therapist doesn't provide one you could take one online and print it off and bring it as a sort of "baseline" tool? Just a thought

thescientist · 03-01-2016, 10:17 AM

Could you come up with a script for yourself so you are prepared with exactly what to say? Might make it easier if you don't have to think up the words at the time.

Invisible_and_Alone · 03-03-2016, 09:38 PM

If you've had bad experiences in the past then maybe get to know your therapist before telling them. I've been seeing a therapist for two months now and I still haven't told her about my self-harming. But I feel much closer to her now and I'm planning on telling her some time in the near future. Long story short, get to know them. Build up trust between the two of you so that you don't feel like you're telling your secrets to a random stranger. If you don't feel like you could say it aloud, no matter how well you know them, perhaps write it down and give it to them. If you don't want to be there, then give it to them just before you leave, it'll give you something to talk about and make the conversation flow better if you both know what you're dealing with.

I hope this helped!

squiggles · 07-03-2016, 04:50 PM

I Agree, build up the trust until you are happy about talking about it. My SH was the main reason I went to Counselling but I think I didn't mention it until the second session. The first Counsellor never really talked about it with me and I found it really difficult to raise.
The second Counsellor I saw I got on with a lot better and I could more easily say when I was feeling triggered and even clench my fists as a sign that I was not comfortable and for her to manage the session for me.
Both were good counsellors and helped in different ways, having seen them over 3 years it was a long process too for me.
You could prepare a script and if you don't feel you can say it but still want to share it you could give her the prepared notes so that they can read what you want to tell them. I've done that in the past with friends and family, including my husband. It can help take the emotion out of the conversation and make it easier to start the conversation. Once you have raised the topic and you start discussing the emotion will come put but you'll be more prepared for it as well.
Hope all my comments help.
Best of luck and I hope you are able to get what you need out of treatment.
Liz