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08-02-2016, 08:43 AM
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#1
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please ignore me
Join Date: Jun 2011
I am currently:  
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Need support
I would really appreciate some input on this.
I've been feeling increasingly distressed the last few weeks. I've been feeling so angry, irritable and bored. Boredom itself feels like torture.
It has kind of built up without me realising and now I'm wondering what to do. Yesterday I found myself seriously considering acting on suicidal thoughts for about 4 hours. Luckily after a while they went away and I went back to my usual level of pessimistic despair.
I've been acting recklessly and doing slightly damaging things. I have had a lot of trouble sleeping and so have been playing around with my meds in order to sleep, last night I found myself getting horrible heart palpitations from that.
I don't really know what to do. I feel so upset that I have to experience this, every hour feels like torture. I don't want to live through this, yet I know I have things to live for. I'm just really struggling in this moment.
I either feel sad, very angry, scared or painfully bored and pointless. I've been getting hallucinations at night and hearing some voices in my head, nothing serious though.
I don't really have anyone to confide in, as the friend who usually talks to me is being pretty unresponsive and I was discharged from the CMHT in august last year.
I was referred to the CMHT for a medication change recently, the doctor said he would ring me in four days time. I don't know whether I just need to get a grip or whether I should seek support.
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"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice, Alice in Wonderland
♥
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08-02-2016, 09:55 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ohio
I am currently: 
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I would definitely seek support. It sounds like you're having a really rough time. I wish I could help. Good luck with the med changes.
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"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?" ~ Philip J. Fry
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08-02-2016, 11:58 AM
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#3
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please ignore me
Join Date: Jun 2011
I am currently:
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Originally Posted by AshIvy
I would definitely seek support. It sounds like you're having a really rough time. I wish I could help. Good luck with the med changes.
Thank you. I tried to give my old CPN a ring, but she's away for a few days so I decided to ask one of the doctors at my surgery to ring me. Trying to accept that I ought to seek help, I feel very undeserving of it though.
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"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice, Alice in Wonderland
♥
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08-02-2016, 07:54 PM
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#4
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Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
Join Date: Dec 2005
I am currently: 
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Everyone deserves support even when we don't feel we deserve it. Its good to hear that you have reached out for help, that's a great step towards recovery.
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'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
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