Struggling to see a way out.

Fire Fly · 26-01-2016, 03:34 PM

I don't know how much more I can take of feeling so low. I've been in a&e twice this week; once out of area who said I was having a episode of a mixed state and then yesterday who wanted me to see my cc today but she wasn't bothered so I didn't see her.

I feel low but I'm so restless and agitated. I feel like I could run a marathon but all I want to do is crawl back to bed. Which isn't an option.

I had occupational health today and they won't let me go back to work and will reassess next week. She originally said in a few weeks but I said next week as I'm desperate to go back.

I feel so low and suicidsl that I don't know what to do or what people can do to help.

stephsparkle · 26-01-2016, 03:38 PM

You trying so hard to stay strong an I know it's difficult but you will get through this!!! I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I'm here for you

Ballerina123 · 26-01-2016, 04:11 PM

What has helped in the past?
If it's meds, what meds and why are you nut on them now?
If theraphy what theraphy and can you get the work out again?

Have you thought about getting an advocate of you don't feel you're getting what you need from mental health services?

Sorry you're feeling so low.
Sending hugs x

Fire Fly · 26-01-2016, 09:02 PM

I'm not sure what's helped in the pass. I've only felt this way once before where I've felt so agitated and so low. I don't know what's keeping me going but I haven't taken a overdose.

I've found mood stabilisers helpful but I was allergic to a couple of them. Or they weren't good for females with Abby bearing age. I will ask again for a mood stabiliser in my next psych appt but that's not until late April.

I'm meant to be booked in this psychology block where they say what sort of therapy would suit you but my cc keeps putting it off. And keeps putting it off putting my name down for psychotherapy wh oh was originally agreed upon.

I might get an advocate. Maybe that's what I need to back me up and help me out.

Ballerina123 · 26-01-2016, 09:25 PM

Could you brake it down
1. What's helped with agitation in the past
2. What's helped with suicidal thoughts

Then try both things and see if you feel better.

Fire Fly · 28-01-2016, 01:41 PM

I've been trying to do mindfulness and calming activities to help with the agitation. The suicidal thoughts are slightly better today. I still feel mixed though where I have the energy but still feel low.

Fire Fly · 29-01-2016, 04:15 PM

Sorry to bump. Struggling a lot. I just can't do this.

tiptoes · 29-01-2016, 04:17 PM

I'm sorry that you are struggling.

Is anything making today particularly difficult?

Fire Fly · 02-02-2016, 06:24 PM

Sorry I didn't reply. It was just a difficult day. I wanted to self harm badly but managed to resist the urges.

Today has been a bit better. I still have urges to take an overdose and end it but it just confuses me seeing what is right and what will actually help. I have a second opinion about my diagnosis tomorrow. My dad is paying for it it my psych recommended it as she can't see me. I feel like I can't sit still and have excess energy but feel so low. I'm scared of what the doctor will say tomorrow.

I feel I can help people spiritually via telepathic ways to heal them and help them ground them to the universe and be better of in life. I feel that people are onto me and tracking me to use my powers for no good. I want to help people but I know there's way I can damage them so I'm scared. Should I mention this tomorrow?

I don't know. I'm scared that my thoughts are being fiddled with. And that's how they are getting to me.

Ballerina123 · 02-02-2016, 06:48 PM

I think you should tell the Dr everything you are worried about
If you are worried about the telepathic thoughts and would like them to be treated then you should bring it up.

Hopefully he will be able to give you a more clear understanding of what your diagnosed with and it should help your current psychiatrist to formulate a treatment plan you are happy with.

Sorry you feel so low. Do you think you can stay safe tonight and tomorrow? Till you see the Dr?

Do you have a plan for afterward incase the consultation upsets you in anyway, as it could bring up some things?

Fire Fly · 02-02-2016, 07:02 PM

I'm not worried about them in that aspect. I'm worried people are taking advantage of me. My cc said she didn't believe I believed in my powers and I felt quite invalidated. I don't know what he can do to protect my powers. They aren't harming people.

Yeah currently my treatment is everywhere. One dr says bipolar and another says EUPD. They need to pick a diagnosis And then come up with a suitable treatment plan. I don't think they know what they are doing right now.

I'll stay safe now and until then. I'm with a friend now until I get home and then my partners there. I've decide fed to man up and go to a yoga class tomorrow morning. And then meeting the same friend after her work to go to kill time before seeing this psychiatrist. So in terms of safety seeing this dr has kept me safe and going as its given me hope. I really hope he has an idea what would be the best treatment plan because I all over the place currently.

I'll have my partner to go home too afterwards so hopefully between after the appt and it til I get home I'll be safe.

I just wish I knew what was wrong with me so I could be fixed.

Ballerina123 · 02-02-2016, 07:10 PM

He may not be able to fix you. Humans are complex beings. Being fixed is a tricky thing. It really depends on your idea of recovery and what recovery means to you.
I personally don't think there is a "fix" but that we get to a point where we can self manage. Weather tat be through theraphy, self help, medication or a mixture of all.

I don't think this Dr will give you a fix, it's more likely he will give you options to explore with you're current team

Ballerina123 · 02-02-2016, 07:11 PM

Remember recovery is a journey not a destination x

Fire Fly · 02-02-2016, 07:22 PM

I really hope he has an idea where to go from there. What if he thinks I need to be in hospital? Could that be a possibility? I can't afford private.

Wonderland. · 03-02-2016, 05:44 PM

Was seeing the second opinion doctor helpful at all?

Here if you need to talk <3

Arienette · 03-02-2016, 05:52 PM

Hope getting a second opinion was helpful for you today and that you get what you need from the appointment. Sorry you're feeling so low. *hugs* xx

Fire Fly · 03-02-2016, 08:00 PM

Thank you for replying.

It was validating seeing the second opinion doctor. He said it would be naive of him to diagnose me with one hour so I need to book a follow up appointment with him for next week. He said to book at a time either my partner or my dad could come with me so he could speak to them. I think? He said I was a very complex case due to all the traumas I've been through but asked permission for him to go through my NHS notes which I said yes.

I know diagnosing isn't easy and I'm glad he's taking his time to think and ponder but I want it now I want a clear cut diagnosis with what is wrong with me. And a treatment plan that would be best for me. Because right now my treatment isn't working.

Fire Fly · 04-02-2016, 03:04 PM

Sorry to bump. Just struggling today. I failed occupational health today for work. And its going to be another three weeks before I get reassessed for work. Just seems like I'll never get back to work and normality. Just want to burn my arm or take an overdose to finsih it.

Ballerina123 · 06-02-2016, 02:11 PM

How you doing today ?

Fire Fly · 06-02-2016, 06:36 PM

Feel really low. Just feel that life has no meaning and that nothing is going right. I don't know what to do but I feel really unsafe.