Sorry I can never keep up with the thread for some reason.
Will reply to people when my i can focus,.
I'm dissociated I am losing feeling that I'm here everything feels so wrong anf I'mscared. i see everything ut its as if I'm disconnected a si f its through a screen why is this happening again.
I've spent the last few days in degrees of dissociation [near constant. almost like autopilot but not?] and it's making the fact that I already have memory issues worse.
I can't remember what I did an hour ago unless I write it down much less what I did yesterday or a week ago.
and people are using it against me and I'm getting tired of it because they're saying I'm doing things I'm not just to mess with me or convincing me that a part did/said something when there's no evidence of that. [to clarify. I do have DID. I'm not open about it unless I really have no other choice but to be]
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Can't believe it's been so long since I last posted here. My perception of time is, I think, altered.
I've been dissociating a lot lately. It's not just that I feel unreal, but I can feel her taking control. She taunts me and laughs at my pain. I feel ashamed of this for some reason.
I guess it depends on how your dissociation presents itself? For instance, do you feel like things are unreal(derealisation), or do you not feel like you are yourself(depersonalisation), or is it like you are losing time?
This is an older post of mine, I feel weird for quoting myself, but I thought this might help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigo.
Apparently a good thing to do is try and focus on your senses. For instance, feel the texture of things near you, eat something with a strong taste, splash ice water on your face(this one can be particularly effective for me). Since I struggle with derealisation, it helps touching my surroundings just to check they're real. I see my hand touching them and that grounds me a bit. Something else(that I have done) is naming things; I was dissociating a lot one night, and really needed to get home, so I started naming everything(glass, wall, car, etc) which then turned into naming car brands/types. For me, it helped because it helped me focus on something, rather than drift away.
If depersonalisation is something you struggle with, then stating/writing down things(that are stable) about yourself can help.
For instance: My name is Lucy. I am 20. I live in Cardiff. I study Literature. I really like dogs.
I feel spaced out like everything around me isn't real. Even the clothes I'm waring; the train I'm on; the people around me.
I'm struggling to stay in the moment. Like I'm back in the past or like time doesn't exist. Is that a flashback or dissociation?
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
i carry a small piece of string with 6 beads on that my friend gave me.it is easily concealed in my hand or is in my pocket so i can access it when i need to.I have marker penned a letter on each bead.I have B-BREATHE S-SHOULDERS DOWN (my friends idea on that one.) S-SAFE (you are safe) G-GAMES-any of my chosen games which i generally do 3 things i can touch etc.whatever game i can manage at the time.At first I didn't remember what the letters meant at all when i was dissociated but my friend did and could remind me and now I can generally remember at least 2 and often all of them.I would recommend it even if people only have 2 letters to remember or even just the act of holding the beads sometimes keeps me in the moment.hope that helps
"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."
Kate, it could be a combination of both. Though it mostly sounds like dissociation. I oftsn experience similar feelings. Recently, I've been remembering past events and was convinced there's no way that was my life.
Ajrocks, that sounds like it could be helpful! There were a few instances when I dissociated and couldn't really move/do anything and I managed to post on the forums, and literally the only thing I could do was follow instructions that peopls gave me(touch/name/describe objects etc.).
Sorry to post here . My emotions feel larger than life one minute and the next nothing. I have been given a lot of different grounding techniques but I still struggle when I'm really distressed. I feel so violated and disgusting in my body . I feel like a monster and not human does anyone else get this? Sorry I'm waffling
Oh, Jessie, please don't apologise for posting in here. I missed your previous post, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you feel like this. I can relate. I have very intense/strong emotions(BPD they tell me), but they vary a lot and sometimes I feel nothing. I often feel like a monster. I have an alter(??) that hates me more than I hate myself, and whenever she's here I feel like a real monster, the thoughts that invade my head are diabolical to say the least and I think I must be evil. (sorry didn't mean to make this about myself.)
Of course post about you. That sounds horrid. I don't really get mood swings but my negative emotions depression, grief, sadness and disgust are just so amplified. I do tend to experience positive emotions at a more moderate level if that makes sense?
I just read a post I made in 2008 on here regarding my dissociation... 2008. thats 8 years ago and its still here. Plus note I was given a diagnosis of dp/dr in about 2009 and have had some good times since, i think. its hard to remember them as anything but a flat, numb memory.
I say diagnosis, I guess its good to understand what is wrong, just wish SOMEONE knew how to make it better. Nothing has helped me, meds, CBT, humanistic therapy... man that was weird.
Every day is just motions now, I get moments of pleasure, normally when I am playing with my daughter but remembering that time is like 2D, no feeling, no emotion. Its there for the moment, I know it is, it just doesn't last. I guess moments are better than nothing.
Sorry, this post has no real end goal. I'm just fed up of keeping this to myself.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
If you're fully spaced out and dissoccociated and you don't know how do you help yourself?
Like I keep dissociating with our realising.
I'm putting myself on danger.
I feel like there is more that one of me.
Like my soul has split.
Then I keep zoning out and losing all sense of who I am and where I am.
I think this is the worst it's ever been.
I don't have the skills or even know what the skill are to manage this.
I'm really scared I've oded even though my friend who was with me said I didn't.
I feel confused and scared
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Thinking of you that must be awful I'm sorry I have nothing helpful to say. I feel like I've been hit by a bus started trauma work today I feel so weird dead and alive . Too odd.
Katie, that sounds awful, I hope youre feeling better.
I'm sorry I have no wors of advice.
This is exactly how I feel:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ballerina123
I feel like there is more that one of me.
Like my soul has split.
Like I'm split in fragments, so I'm not even real anymore. I don't feel like I'm here. I think maybe my quetiapine has worsened my symptoms again but i dont know.
It does have a point Indigo. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I had my first trauma therapy session on Monday I feel blown to bits. I saw my eating disorders nurse today and I sat there and cried I feel completely dehumanised. Combination of numb and so alive. Sorry this makes no sense.
I think I'm dissociating.
I'm not sure.
I'm all fuzzy and blurry.
I can see but can't see at the same time.
I'm 7 years old and he is making me touch him.
I'm scared but confused because I don't know any different this feels normal.
Is a secret I'm not allowed to tell anyone but he keeps telling me it's normal. If it's normal why can't I tell anyone? Apparently all families keep these secrets.
Everything seems unreal but my eyes are rolling and I feel everything.
Is this a flashback or dissociation or something else. I'm losing touch with reality
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
