Contains sexual abuse - Losing weight being a trigger??

[Truth&OtherDisasters]

Hey guys,

So I went through rape few years back(summer of 2010) and it's been hard, but I think for the most part I'm doing as good as can be expected. I've recovered in a lot of ways, though I need so much work in others.

Here is my next issue(and how I hate when I find a new one:/):
losing weight is making me completely start freaking out and panicking and I don't stop until I gain again. :/

I used to be very slim, and in the first year after what happened, I lost even more. I was getting compliments, but it was hell, because I was doing it from lack of desire to eat at all.

Anyway, I stopped denying what happened, started working on recovery and that's when I started gaining. I was eating badly and not exercising and tired all the time.

I am in a much different, happier place in my life. I've been dancing for 2 years, as a very serious hobby. I am becoming good at it. I actually have muscles under, I am fairly good in flexibility after lots of work, and I eat reasonably healthy(though it can be better).

I am MUCH stronger, but I can't get that weight off. It finally started going off on it's own half a year ago(lots of training, it was bound to happen), but once I realized I was losing it, I freaked out instead of feeling happy.

And then no matter what I did, I couldn't stop myself- I kept gaining until I gained it back and then even a bit more.

I want to have my shape back finally. This week I (happily) got a hang of my eating again, started losing....and since yesterday, I'm really freaking out. I can't stop myself. I can't feel like it's okay to lose the weight, and I keep thinking back to memories of that summer like they are on a reel in my head. I even talked to counselor about it briefly, but I still feel rattled.

Anyone ever went through something similar?
I hate feeling so out of control:/.

[Sooty]

I must admit that personally I don't have any connection between weight and trauma but I can understand how easily a strong association between two things can be made, especially if one is particularly harrowing. I think it would be worth exploring this much further with your counsellor and try and find a way that you can separate your body image and your weight fluctuations from your past traumas.

Sophie.x

[Truth&OtherDisasters]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sooty

I must admit that personally I don't have any connection between weight and trauma but I can understand how easily a strong association between two things can be made, especially if one is particularly harrowing. I think it would be worth exploring this much further with your counsellor and try and find a way that you can separate your body image and your weight fluctuations from your past traumas.

Sophie.x

Thank you! Actually after I posted this I did tried to talk about it in counselling for a while, and it ended bringing up a LOT more than I thought. It turns out I buried the reason why it borthers me deeper than I though. I think I'm on the right road to dealing with this now, and I even think I am finally really to get in shape...but I am still cautious.
There is a lot I haven't dealed with in emotions and this will dig it out. And I don't know if I'm ready. My life has enough stress right now, to add this to it. I feel like to deal with it I need to take vacation or something, which I can't do right now. So I'm dealing with it in chunks, however much I can handle at a time...://