Adult - please need someone's opinion on family matter
my father passed away leaving a will where his assets were not shared equally among his children. as the closest one to him, and the only one who respected him, it is in material favour of myself. my other two sisters are very upset and are insisting, (one more than the other) that i disregard it and share everything equally.
this weighs heavy on my heart because they did many things over the years to hurt and disrespect him, and i was his only comfort. i always put him first in my life. i know how much they have hurt him, as he told me himself many times.
what do u think i should do?
i am asking all people, of all backgrounds, all ages, every single person who reads this, PLEASE COMMENT.
what do u suggest to dissipate/rectify/help soothe the resulting family discord?
have u ever known this to happen in a real life situation?
if so, how did it turn out?
the aftermath is this: i lost my only real friend when my father passed. i am now being called the worst names ever. it goes strongly against my conscience to give in to demand and share things equally. because i weathered the storm hand in hand with him.
im trying to find the right words to say to all family members, to put across that im sorry but i cannot concede. any suggestions?
Could you simply say that his wishes (as outlined in his will) should be respected?
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
unfortunately my track record of dealing with family pretty much sucks. i tend to just avoid people until the drama dies down. honesty is probably the best. if you remember specific situations that hurt your father enough to cause him to not want to leave his assets to your other family members, bring those up. tell them that you agree with his decision and unfortunately for them you will not be giving in to their unfair demands that you share everything equally. you were there for him when they were not and that is their fault not yours
"We accept the love we think we deserve."~Perks of Being a Wallflower
"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose."~Lyndon B. Johnson
“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”~William James
“you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” ~Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
what do u suggest to dissipate/rectify/help soothe the resulting family discord?
I assume you have legal representation. Refer relatives and any of their questions, wishes, curses to your rep. and let them handle it. Your father had his wishes and set legal course. If your relations are as abusive as you write then tell them to go suck eggs
Personally I would give away what monetary inheritance I had over the value of my siblings' to a good cause in my parent's name.
That way your father's wishes are respected and you have not benefitted more than them.
This obviously is a very difficult situation for several reasons. Maybe doing it this way you stay the 'good guy' and when the dust finally settles there will be less resentment.
When my great grandmother died, my mother and I took weeks to go to her home as we were so upset. When we arrived we found most ornaments and antiques had been removed by distant relatives (they lived closer so had a spare key in case of emergencies, even though they only saw her a couple times a year.)
Family become entitled brats when it comes to money and inheritance. Rise above it then in a few years at a good moment when all family is gathered, tell them how you felt about it all and sweep out dramatically. You'll be safe in the knowledge you are morally superior and Disney birds will flock to you and sing you awake in the morning.
Last edited by Waylander : 12-11-2015 at 01:50 AM.
Personally I would give away what monetary inheritance I had over the value of my siblings' to a good cause in my parent's name.
That way your father's wishes are respected and you have not benefitted more than them.
This obviously is a very difficult situation for several reasons. Maybe doing it this way you stay the 'good guy' and when the dust finally settles there will be less resentment.
When my great grandmother died, my mother and I took weeks to go to her home as we were so upset. When we arrived we found most ornaments and antiques had been removed by distant relatives (they lived closer so had a spare key in case of emergencies, even though they only saw her a couple times a year.)
Family become entitled brats when it comes to money and inheritance. Rise above it then in a few years at a good moment when all family is gathered, tell them how you felt about it all and sweep out dramatically. You'll be safe in the knowledge you are morally superior and Disney birds will flock to you and sing you awake in the morning.
She says her sibs were rotten to her father and she was devoted. The father included the devoted kid in the will and left the cruel ones out. Now the considerate kid giving up what her father wanted her to have is somehow respecting the fathers wishes? That's not morally superior - that's being a psychotic with a booby-prize. Giving in and giving up in face of pressure from cheesy relatives isn't securing the high ground imo. Its making losers of all. Being "nice" and being "good" aren't the same
Yeah but is it worth the hassle of being demonized and slandered around your social group/ town? It's only money after all. Wouldn't it be better to make peace with what family you have left, no matter how poo they are?
I have a small family unit so can't really relate to how this extended family situation would play out. Maybe you are right but it would leave a sour taste in my mouth.
Yeah but is it worth the hassle of being demonized and slandered around your social group/ town? It's only money after all. Wouldn't it be better to make peace with what family you have left, no matter how poo they are?
I have a small family unit so can't really relate to how this extended family situation would play out. Maybe you are right but it would leave a sour taste in my mouth.
Being demonized and slandered for doing what's right is what life is all about. The more you learn to hold on the less people can really upset you. A common problem I've seen in places like RYL is a tendency for people to make themselves "small" while making others "big".
Money isn't trivial. This girl could get sick - maybe fall and break all her teeth or something. There are a hundred million things that can go wrong out of nowhere. It takes money to fix things. It also takes money to start a business and give another 25 people jobs. Romantics, artists and others who scoff at money when young often end up broken and abandoned by their chic friends in latter years.
if I was this girl I would like peace with the family - but not by giving in to hostility. When you reward that you get more hostility. Its a crime to spoil people so they become worse people. Even the Bible says a person's worst enemies will be in their own families.
there is no legally standing will. there is a handwritten piece of paper that cannot be used in court.
everything is legally in my name.
in spite of this, i initially said i would share everything equally. they are my sisters after all. i want peace.
but since my father passed, my life has been nothing short of hell. that's not how u treat someone when you're trying to get something out of them.
thus, i said i would follow the note as it says his wishes, and he knows why he divided things as such. this is now the problem. i have been threatened with physical harm many times, the latest being nov 10th where my sister's husband has threatened to send people to do me harm. i made a police report and now my sister is angry i took it to the police.
this is the same sister who said i must transfer my car in her name since she is the first born and heir.
yes i am being slandered but the choice is this: either i give in to demand to save my reputation, or stand up for myself and let people talk. i have been bullied all my life and no longer have my father to defend me. i have no other option but to stand up for myself.
i have also thought of donating everything to charity, which may/may not happen. i have considered taking the whole lot and dividing it among them leaving myself out, which may/may not happen.
i have spoken to many lawyers, the note cannot be used in court.
the estate is separate, anything in my name is not included in estate.
the estate will be divided equally of course, im not concerned about that.
the issue is my sisters are demanding i share what is in my name equally.
i tried to send u a private note epic but i cannot.
i dont like what this is doing to my family life, but i feel that if i give in, im saying its ok to bully me. ive chosen to stand up for myself and it has proven very expensive where now im judged and ive become the bad person. i am the only one who respected our father.
