I think you should follow through your warning. I wonder if perhaps paying it back is now outside her control - perhaps because she owes so much or other people and it might well be that only her mum/staff can really sort the situation out.
With one of the friends I gave money too I later found out she was in a huge (£7000) amount of debt and actually I'd barely scratched the surface so I hadn't been helpful at all and if anything, made her situation worse by being one more problem. With both friends, I worried not lending them (more) money would damage the friendship - but it hasn't. I felt really bad at the time, but the both needed more help than I could offer/afford. There are all sorts of debt management schemes out there to help with repayments (the direct debit idea is a good one) and her mum might well be able to help cover part of the cost.
As someone mention earlier, it sounds like she manipulated you into this and is continuing to manipulate you. You are, having been so unwell recently, a vulnerable adult, and she's used that. The fact she's in hospital means very little - she's safe - and she will continue to hold that over you to stop you acting on this. You say yourself in your post that she doesn't beleive you'd really do it. You need to do it, before the situation escalates further, and while she's still in hospital.
Take care.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Thank you both.
She was meant to set up the standing order tomorrow. I rang her tonight and she's in A&E because she 'banged her hand'. She wouldn't tell me why. I was angry and then she said I had an 'attitude'. Not fair. She makes me feel very bad about myself when I am assertive.
I tried to ring her mum but as it's late I suspect she's asleep. I left a message and will speak to her tomorrow. I'm going to give her until the end of the week and then I will have to ring the ward. I really don't want it to come to that but I hope that she will see that I've followed through on contacting her mum and the threat will be enough.
I am so so sick of this. I feel really terrible for getting angry when she's in hospital but she sounded fine and she has given me countless excuses and I'm sick of it.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Honestly, at this stage she's using hospital as an excuse to manipulate you, and I think you're aware of that. You're unwell too. Just because you're not in hospital doesn't mean you're not vulnerable and she is being exceedingly unfair. It's your money. You have every right to ask for it back. You have every right to approach the ward and her mum.
Stand your ground and don't let her bully you over this.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I have problems with handling money too and believe me when I say you are doing her a disservice by letting the situation continue. things will only get worse for her if she doesn't confront it now. I think telling her care team and her mum (if she's young) would be the most helpful thing for her. Perhaps they don't really know how much of a problem money is for her. It could be that the money she owes you is the tip of the iceberg so go ahead and let people know. I think it's the only way you can help her now as well as helping yourself.
Thank you both. I did speak to her mum and her mum was furious with her and said it was disgusting. Her mum's partner is going to put £200 a fortnight into my account and he has my friend's bank card so is going to withdraw it himself. I trust now that this is sorted.
Thank you all so incredibly much for your help. I would never have been able to be so assertive without all your support and advice and I have learned a lot from this experience.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
Thank you all lovely people :)
I am proud of myself but I couldn't have done it without your help.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
