My therapist said if I ever wanted to show my scars, like the ones on my arms, to talk about them then it was OK.
Has an anyone else felt comfortable enough in therapy to show your scars?
Did it help?
I don't want to make a big deal of it, but since it's summer, I was thinking about wearing short sleeves (not something I usually do) and then the scars would be visible in case I decided to talk about them.
I'm not sure if it would make me feel better, or if it would just bring on more shame.
I'm past caring when I see my worker I have even had cuts on show it's the rest of the world I can't deal with do what makes you feel comfortable and is right for you x
I was worried about that being attention seeky, like 'look at all I've done to myself'.
This is exactly what I mean! I don't let my arms show most of the time because I don't want to have to field questions or deal with people's looks, but I didn't like letting them show in therapy or even at my Dr's appointments because I didn't want them to think I was trying to show off my scars.
For years now I've been wearing short sleeves whenever I felt like it. I don't really care what anyone else thinks because it's none of their business!
I've worn short sleeves in therapy and it wasn't mentioned. I guess because I made peace with my scars long ago, and I'm not actively self harming any more, so it's a non-issue.
My GP, psychiatrist and CPN have seen my scars over the years and they don't bat an eyelid.
I don't feel at all like I'm attention seeking. I want to be comfortable temperature wise, so if it's warm I will roll my sleeves up or wear short sleeves.
The only time I cover up is if I am going to be looking after small children (they would ask questions) and I will have to in my new job as I'll be working with adults with mental health difficulties.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
The only time I cover up is if I am going to be looking after small children (they would ask questions) and I will have to in my new job as I'll be working with adults with mental health difficulties.
Yes, I relate to this too. I am a school librarian, so I always wear long sleeves at work. All of my scars are healed, and while now, but they're still noticeable.
my t feels I don't accept my scars, which I don't. I'm repulsed by them.
I understand. This is something I should work on too. Sometimes I see my scars and I feel ok with them,like I don't love them, but they're there and if I leave them alone, they will continue to fade.
But sometimes I see them and I feel repulsed. The ones on my arms are all healed and white now, because I have been resisting the urge to SI on my arms, but there are alot of them. I've gotten used to the number of them, but when I'm around other people and my arms are bare, I think "Oh God, they look disgusting. These people must think I'm a freakshow" and then I get all self-loathing and asahmed, which usually triggers me.
Obviously my therapist knows that I have scars, and he's probably seen the ones on my hands, but the ones on my arms are visible if I wear short sleeves.
I can't really show him the scars that are words on my thighs because I don't think it'd be appropriate for me to just pull up my pant legs/skirt. And those are the ones that I am the most self conscious about b/c they're not just scars, they are words that I think about myself like "ugly" or "stupid" or whatever.
He never asked to see the scars on my thighs, but he has asked me to say what words I chose to put there. I haven't been comfortable enough to say the words yet because I don't want to sit there, burning with shame, as I tell him that I have words like 'fat' and 'ugly' carved into my legs because that's how self-loathing I am.
I know I should be talking about it. But even thinking about revealing the words causes so much shame that I can't imagine saying them out loud to another person.
I usually send him an emil before an appt; now that I only go once every 2-3 weeks the emails are just a way to brief him on anything new or provide some points for discussion. I guess I could try to write in my next email that I'm not comfortable disclosing the specific words because of the overwhelming shame.
Shame is really my biggest problem in regar to this. It's just a vicious cycle. I'm ashamed of doing it in the past and the scars it's left, that I still struggle with the urge, that I still give into it, that I'm in therapy for it and then it becomes so overwhelming that I end up cutting to deal it.
I was also told the same in my therapy sessions that if I was comfortable to show them then I could. I didn't as I felt ashamed about them. However when I was reaching the end of my therapy sessions, I did show them, and I did feel ashamed. My therapist just said to me, that I should not be ashamed, as they show how far I've come. Some have faded, some are still healing and but I've got no new ones either. I'm still not overall happy about them, but I'm happy to have my arms bare for the world to see.
It's weird in a way- I don't mind wearing short sleeves if I go to the grocery store or something, because even if those people see the scars, chances are they're not going to rush up to me to ask about them. I don't know those people, and I don't care what they might think.
I've known my therapist for 2 years now, and he's known almost the entire time about my self injury, so it's not as though he'd be shocked at all if he saw the scars. But I feel much more comfortable exposing them to people I don't know at all than someone who knows, and whom I trust.
I guess the anonymity allows me to pretend that I don't care about my scars, and that self-injury isn't really a big deal. I can't pretend that's true when I'm in therapy for it.
I might be late to the party, but I would highly suggest that if you are comfortable enough to show em to your therapist, then do it. It will help you a lot in terms of recovery and acceptance of the scars.
I have never gone to therapy for self harm, however I was comfortable with somebody once to allow my scars to be visible. The one person that physically saw them accepted me for who I was, even though the history with me and that person was very complicated and it's a topic I don't want to include here. Nevertheless I felt normal around this person. Perhaps even more interesting was that this person even helped me deal with an injury that I had gone too far on. This was when I was actively self harming so while it didn't affect neither of us that it was a thing, I felt at peace despite the fact that the person didn't really care that I was hurting myself but cared enough to talk to me to slow it down some. Now that me and that person are not on speaking terms (and haven't been for 3 years now), NOBODY has seen them or knows that I had issues with self harm, which in itself has caused me issues because I have days where I cannot deal with much and all I wish for is to be able to talk about it. It can actually depress me to the point where I can't function properly. The worst thing is knowing one day I may meet somebody and it may turn em away when they find out, since that has been my experience. I lost someone because of that damn bandage. That person thought I was active, which ironically I stopped for that person. I wished to be close with that person, perhaps even be an item and I knew that it wasn't worth dragging my baggage into it so I stopped, which took a lot of strength to do... only to find out the day I stopped was too late. We stopped talking, then I had tried to talk again only to receive a cold message from them. To this day it still hurts me. I know the next person to know that I have scars will also see me break down because it's a very hard topic for me. I do feel that if I had that one person I can have complete trust with, the topic wouldn't be such a weight on me.
So to answer your question... yes, it does help when someone you can trust sees the scars. It gives you a sense of returing to normalcy, before the scars. It's a very sweet moment because you forget they are there, you feel all is right even though you know that they're there but at least the negative feelings and shame that comes with em can ease... perhaps to the point where you can enjoy a summer without worrying about them. Shame only comes because you can't be comfortable with them since society shuns anyone with them. If someone is willing to help, even if it's a someone in a medical field it can be a huge weight lifted.
So to answer your question... yes, it does help when someone you can trust sees the scars.
Well, obviously my husband has seen all my scars. We started dating 12 years ago, so I had already begun and I was honest from the beginning. But he just sees it as one part of me, and even though I know he hates that part, he loves the other parts. I do feel terrible shame when he sees them, especially the words, but I have the knowledge that he loves me to balance it out. Does that make sense???
My therapist doesn't love me (which is good- he's not supposed to), but that means that I won't have anything to balance out the shame. So I'm afraid I'm just going to sit there, looking at my scars, thinking they're ugly, and know that someone else is looking at them also thinking how ugly they are, and the shame will be unbearable.
Well, obviously my husband has seen all my scars. We started dating 12 years ago, so I had already begun and I was honest from the beginning. But he just sees it as one part of me, and even though I know he hates that part, he loves the other parts. I do feel terrible shame when he sees them, especially the words, but I have the knowledge that he loves me to balance it out. Does that make sense???
Makes perfect sense actually. Out of curiosity, have you ever talked to him about the scars? Get a scope of how he feels about em? Not sure this would help or not, but my idea in asking is that hearing his response may give you a boost in your confidence... at least concerning the scars.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrockerin
My therapist doesn't love me (which is good- he's not supposed to)
Now... just hear me out but; what if he has a secret crush on you? Then what would happen?
That's really supposed to be a joke, I hope it doesn't offend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrockerin
but that means that I won't have anything to balance out the shame. So I'm afraid I'm just going to sit there, looking at my scars, thinking they're ugly, and know that someone else is looking at them also thinking how ugly they are, and the shame will be unbearable.
Well the thing is that you're on a professional level with your therapist. I doubt your therapist would think something like that. Now as far as your therapist goes, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't feel your scars are "ugly" or make you feel ashamed. Shame for us usually comes from the negative perceptions of what our scars mean to the rest of the world.
Now... just hear me out but; what if he has a secret crush on you? Then what would happen?
That's really supposed to be a joke, I hope it doesn't offend.
LOL. It is funny to think I spend time regularly, discussing very private issues with another man, who is very personable and easy to talk to, and it does create a type of intimacy. And in the 2 years I've been seeing him, I have had 2 dreams about stuff like that, which really weirded me out.
My therapist said if I wanted to show her my cuts or scars I can, and I do have a couple of small and old scars on my arms which have been visible but I've never specifically shown her or drawn attention to them.
The vast majority of my self harm is on my thighs and it feels very personal to me so I don't really like other people seeing - obviously sometimes its unavoidable for some people to see but I've never 'shown' either cuts or scars to people. If I was going to show anyone then it would be my therapist but she knows how I feel and she doesn't think its something I need to do she just wanted me to know I could if I wanted to.
All of my newer scars are on my thighs, as well. It seems to be a common place for SH. I guess because its easy to hide. I would never show those scars to anyone because it'd feel very inappropriate.
Then what would happen? 
It is funny to think I spend time regularly, discussing very private issues with another man, who is very personable and easy to talk to, and it does create a type of intimacy. And in the 2 years I've been seeing him, I have had 2 dreams about stuff like that, which really weirded me out.
