Contains sexual abuse - The Bubble

[Bellatrix]

I used to come back with all manor of strange items. Ice cube trays. Apples. A cucumber. Light bulbs. And bad things like chemicals and blades

I'm sorry you're stugllibg so much at the moment. Have you thought about keeping a diary and having it with you all the time so if you find your self in tricky situations you can write about it either as an alter or your self and track triggers and common situations.

[Epicene]

Yeah, I've come back with prohibited items before so it could have been worse! Mind you, apples and cucumbers sound relatively functional. What am I going to do with toys?!

That's a really good idea about tracking how I feel and monitoring alters etc. Will definitely give it a go.

[Harbour]

Hey, I'm not on my laptop enough to keep up with replies but I hope everyone can get some of what they need from here. It really made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Today I gave my therapist written stuff as I find it really difficult to verbalise things. I didn't feel very with it at all and I find it difficult to have my session and stay functional with going to work etc.

[Charmed]

Rachel, well done for writing things down and giving it to your therapist, it sounds very difficult but try and be proud of yourself for managing this. Could you do some nice things for yourself to help you feel safe? If you have to go to work perhaps try some grounding techniques.

J (Epicene) it sounds like there is so much going on, but I'm really glad the PRN is helping you. You seem to be quite hard on yourself when you dissociate etc. perhaps try focusing on the fact you didn't buy harmful things which is something to be proud of can help you feel slightly more settled. I'm afraid I'm not that helpful with DID, but my thoughts are with you, I can understand how scary dissociation can be.

J (Princess) writing things down for your psychologist is a good idea, perhaps you could print out your other thread as something to start with if you feel able. I hope the memories are a little less intense today.

To share with strange objects, I once came back with a fake arm after dissociating, needless to say my housemate had a bit of a shock!

[[SundayGirl]]

I can't tell anybody because nobody cares about me. I have no real friends & my mum does know but refuses to achknowledge it. I think she's even forgot or repressed knowing.


The flashbacks are horrendus.
I'm a disgrace.
It's my fault

[Bellatrix]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epicene

That's a really good idea about tracking how I feel and monitoring alters etc. Will definitely give it a go.

Let us know how you get on?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harbour

Hey, I'm not on my laptop enough to keep up with replies but I hope everyone can get some of what they need from here. It really made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Today I gave my therapist written stuff as I find it really difficult to verbalise things. I didn't feel very with it at all and I find it difficult to have my session and stay functional with going to work etc.

Well don pumpkin. Thae must have been really hard. I plan to do the same so I can relate

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charmed

J (Princess) writing things down for your psychologist is a good idea, perhaps you could print out your other thread as something to start with if you feel able. I hope the memories are a little less intense today.

Yeah I will copy/paste things into a word document. Just going to text her to ask if it's okay if I bring itn] written down

Quote:

Originally Posted by [SundayGirl]

I can't tell anybody because nobody cares about me. I have no real friends & my mum does know but refuses to achknowledge it. I think she's even forgot or repressed knowing.


The flashbacks are horrendus.
I'm a disgrace.
It's my fault

We are. I'm sorry your mum is so invalidating. Is thee another adult you could talk to about this?
For flashbacks I use grounding techniques such as breathing, counting and,reminding you self that your body belongs to yo.

[[Luna]]

Thank you so much for making this thread Jtrix.

I'm working through some stuff in counselling and it's leaving me feeling so dirty. Usually I would bleach to feel clean but I'm trying hard to resist.

Sending love to everyone xx

[Bellatrix]

Do you want to talk about what made you feel dirty?

I can really really understand that feeling and battle with urges to scrub myself raw when I have flashbacks/memories.


I spoke to my psychiatrist about the abuse and I asked her if I could write what happened to medown in a letter because I can't find the words.

She said that was a good idea but to only do it when Jenna is home in case it triggers anything. I might post it on RYL but I'm not sure, depends how scary things get. I want to share my story to the world (well RYL lol) to prove that you can go thought horrid, scary horrific things and still come out the survivor. Maybe I can others to step forward and share their experience so they don't feel so alne with their memories as that just leads to self-blane

[[Luna]]

That's a lovely aspiration and extremely brave! I think writing it when Jenna is around is a wise idea. You're a fighter and very inspirational.

[Bellatrix]

Aww thanks Emma. That means a lot coming from you because you're one of the people I admire a lot!

-

I'm feeling really spaced out. We talked a bit more about emotinal abuse and how I was never hugged once my my died. She said she'd love to give me the big hug I deserve (her words) but I'm scared. What if she's not supposed to hug patients.

I feel cold from not being hugged (that's a lie was hugged 4 times in seven years) by my step mother . Does anyone else feel that way? Like when you're around people who you know have a family who love them to bits due you then feel **** about the hugs you never got? My dad would occasionally hug me when wasn't high or coming down or needing a fix.

I got lots of hugs from my mummy. I miss her dearly

[LittleCloud]

Everything is really too much now and my relationship is hurting me because my partner does not hold me. It feels like even just one true hug where I could feel love. I'm sorry. I haven't been here in a long time. The screaming voice in my head has been so much. When outside is safe my head needs to continue this hell. I think about dying a lot.

*hugs* to all. Sorry. I'm so useless *curls into a ball still too big*

[Epicene]

I'm giving big hugs to everyone who needs them right now

[Charmed]

SundayGirl, I'm sorry you're struggling so much with flashbacks. I understand how difficult it is to believe but it was absolutely not your fault. Stay safe.

Emma, well done for managing to work through some things, I hope you manage to resist the urge to use bleach.

Alanna, sorry you are so distressed at the moment, is there anything that makes you feel slightly safer?

J, well done for talking through some things, you have done amazingly. It's understandable you feel that way about hugs, it can be hard watching someone have something which is comforting that you never received. Can you talk this through with Jenna and work on the hugs to help you feel safe?

I had therapy today and dissociated afterwards I'm struggling to keep myself safe everything feels quite fragmented and unreal. Sorry.

J (Epicene) hope you're doing okay x

[Epicene]

Charmed, can you distract yourself? Maybe watch the election stuff until you feel safe/tired enough to go to bed? Do you find that therapy is helping you? I just notice that you often dissociate after and that shouldn't be happening, ideally.

[Charmed]

Thanks J, I'll try and focus n the electuon thats a good idea. thank you. im not sure theray is all that helpful no i struggle so much to talk and when i do everything falls apart. i guess my brain cant handle it so i dussociate it really scares me. sorry

how are you doing J?

hugs to all

[Epicene]

I don't know how I am really. I recently made a commitment not to self-harm again or consider suicide an option, but I'm struggling with that right now. Blah. But I'm also watching the election as a distraction and trying to distract.

Maybe you should mention to your therapist how much you struggle afterwards and see if you can put anything in place to make it more containing? It might be more helpful to work on managing the dissociation and other symptoms rather than talking through the trauma in any detail.

[Charmed]

thats a big decision to make but im proud of yo u for making that decision and trying really hard to stick to it. are the distractionns working a t the moment? thinking of you x

i mentioned today its making me worse and things harder but i ony have 2 weeks left with her because im leaving from uni she said i can have more support next yearr but i dont know i dont really think she knows whats she is talking about sometimes she is lovely though

[Epicene]

Thank you. The distractions are working for now think. Tomorrow may be harder but I'll take each moment as it comes.

It does sound like you're a bit unsure about your therapist...would you think about seeing someone different once you're back at uni next year?

[Charmed]

I'm glad the distractions were working J, I hope you managed to stay safe throughout the night. Taking it day by day, or even hour by hour is a good idea, it's easier to break it down. I hope today goes okay for you.

Maybe, I'm not sure, it's too far away for me to think about right now. I'm reluctant to see someone else though because it would mean opening up and gaining trust all over again.

I hope everyone is doing okay, sending hugs and support.

[LittleCloud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charmed

Alanna, sorry you are so distressed at the moment, is there anything that makes you feel slightly safer?

Nothing functional (which I'm trying hard to be with eating)

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ED

E just want to starve and sleep forever

I don't believe there is any escape. I am a fraud and deserve nothing but still want. I hate that. I'm sorry