Baby

[daisy*]

Hello everyone!

Its been awhile since I've been around here but I have a question that I can't really ask anyone else...Thank you for taking the time to read this.
We've been thinking A LOT about having a baby, as many of you know this is a scary step and there are many things to be worried about but one of my big worries/fears is about my scars... What will the drs reactions be like? Should I bring it up right away? Are they going to think i'll be a bad parent if they see them? ... I know I can't really hide them so I'm just looking for any advice you may have, or what your story is.

Thank you

[amoeba]

I can't relate with the baby topic particularly, but I can share about what I have done with doctors or medical people. I just don't say anything. I am sure many see them and know what it is. Only one doctor ever brought it up. I used to be more at ease about it because they were older scars, so I was less scared they'd somehow try to commit me or something. Now I have newer ones in some areas and a few months ago I needed to get a shot and, I was really scared. I didn't know what would happen. There is no doubt the lady saw them, but she didn't say anything.

I see scars on people out in the public, medical people have probably seen a lot. If they are thinking about whether you would be a good parent or not, I don't think that is in their role to be even thinking about it, much less sharing it with you. And, really, their view doesn't change the reality of your ability to be a parent. All kinds of people have all these opinions and judgments about who should or shouldn't be a parent or what they are doing right or wrong. There is no perfect parent. One of your weaknesses is more physically visible, but that doesn't mean you are any less qualified to be a parent than others. If they assume that, they're the ones wrong.

[amoeba]

Oh I meant "I don't say anything" to mean that I don't introduce the topic, or, see them notice the scars and then explain. I just stay quiet. The doctor that mentioned it I of course responded to and said yes (when he said "cutting?"), and that I don't do it anymore and the scar was years ago. That actually was true... it's just no longer true that I don't do it anymore.

Now, I don't really know what I would reply, but, I'd not bring it up until/if they did.
But if you really want to get it off your chest from the start, if you will be worried or wondering too much, then maybe you should. I think though they won't say anything, or at the most maybe just ask if you are getting help or something like that.
I wish you well with your thoughts/plans about having a baby!

[LaLaLaa]

Hi Daisy

I wanted to message you as I've been there and have come out of the other side :)

I wasn't so much worried about my scars, more about my general mental health problems, but either way i do understand how scary it can be.

Are you under a mental health team/psychiatrist? I'm just asking because I am under a mental health team, and before my partner and I even started trying for a baby I spoke to my psychiatrist and we were referred to a specialist mother and baby psychiatric consultant, who helped adjust my medication to the safest doses and made sure everyone knew what to do if I became ill etc.

Obviously I don't know your situation, but as far as my scars, it never came up in conversation. Most of my scars are on my arms so didn't really need to show them, apart from having blood taken or blood pressure.

I really wouldn't worry about your scars, as soon as you fall pregnant you'll have a million other things to think about :)

I'd just say though, if you do have mental health problems and are under a team/doctor I'd speak to them if you are on medication, just so they can help make things as safe as possible for you to start trying to conceive.

This is obviously just my opinion and my experiences, if I can give you any support or a chat please do message me :)

I have a gorgeous 2 year old son, who is my whole world! :)
Making the descision to try for a baby was the scariest thing ever!! So I really do understand what you mean
Xxx

Xxxxx

[daisy*]

Thank you so much for your responses!! I really appreciate it! We have officially decided to start TTC!!! I am not on any medication/under a team or anything like that. My scars are all old but still fairly visable ( I think) on my arm. I guess its something I don't really need to be so concerned about, ive just never really been put into a situation where someone i dont want seeing my scars does...so I don't know how to deal with that. I really appreciate your kind words!

[squiggles]

Hi,
Thought I would add to this conversation. I had my little girl 15 months ago.
I didn't mention my SH, I'd stopped about 12 months prior to getting pregnant. I'm sure they will have been seen, several over my arms, no one asked at all.
I was never asked and never felt judged about how good a parent I was going to be. Attending appointments and looking after yourself during your pregnancy will say a lot about how you will be as a parent. Being responsible in this way will show you are going to look after baby when he/she arrives.
Take care and best wishes.
Liz

[Aliraza70]

There seem to be a few of us who've relapsed recently. I know it can feel shameful and hard to accept but it's a coping mechanism and it's easy to go back to what we know.????

[Starla]

Congratulations on your decision. I have two young children and I never felt judged by anyone. I will say that pregnancy can be an emotional roller coaster so be prepared. It is so worth it though.

[[Luna]]

Congratulations on your decision to try to conceive!
I'm planning to start trying next year and I found this thread very helpful so thank you for posting xx

[Sunshine]

Hi,

I do not have any scars but I recently had my second child and this time I was not under a mental health team but struggled with depression and caring for myself during the first few months so got refered to a perinatal psychitrist who helped me sort out the safest medication I could be on and I stabilised for the rest of the pregnancy.

For both pregnancies I was also under a specialist midwife who deals with people with mental health and drug and alchohol issues so I didn't feel judged when I said I was depressed and struggling as they tired to help both times by contacting relevant people.

I also got refered to a family support organisation and a family befriendeder with the first pregnancy so after birth I wasn't too isolated and they helped me go to groups to try and meet other parents.

When it came to the actual labour the drs were made aware of my mental health problems because of the medication I was on and it was never made into an issue just that they knew I could have a panic attack in labour and might need extra help to get baby out (like I did the first time) and also I had a hemorage before delivery (I was a high risk due to preeclampsia so don't let it freak you out it's not that likely as far as I'm aware ) and they were very good at telling me what was going on and why they were doing what they were doing so if anything them being aware of my mental health issues helped me get a lot more support before, during and after labour.