:( :(

[Dying_Angel]

Thank you.

I don't know what to do with myself. Thoughts are racing. I feel so alone I have to wait a week to get any support. I live in supported housing and there is no support here at all :(

I know staff hate me. They all probably think I should just hurry up and kill myself coz I've told them before I want to. One really unhelpful staff members response was you don't want to to do it today. Wait till tomorrow.

Im not gonna tell them anything now. They won't know anything g till I'm dead.

I am getting a bit worried about myself. All the boys in this house do drugs and drink. I don't. But I'm tempting to start they tell me when they feel like me atm. They take them and then they are happy and life is great. I hate myself for even considering this coz I'm really anti drugs. But anything is better than feeling like this

[JusC]

Yh i know what u mean but just stay strong. You seem to be doing alright. I know when u get to see someone u will feel better after. I know its proberly not supportive for u at the moment but it will get better.

Please dont give up! You deserve to have a life. I know u do. Its good that ur not on ur own and there are people there with u. Thats not right for them to say that! You should report it. Its really not on! Thats disgraceful. Have u told anyone? You should

I hope u feel better soon. You have RYL there with u so dont worry. Could u go to ur doctor and see them? You can talk to someone how ur feeling. There needs to be someone u can talk to? A friend or

I wouldnt do that. If u said u never thought about doing it and dont want to then dont. You dont. I know its hard but u need to stay strong and get urself better then not. Your nearly there.

Im here if u wanna talk x

[Dying_Angel]

Thank you.

Im seeing my support worker Thursday I think. I should be seeing counsellor Friday. I dunno if I can wait that long. Im trying to stay strong.

All I wanna do right now is be alone then I can hurt myself as much as I want. Im self harming more and more. And I just don't care anymore. I'm numb nothing hurts anyway. I did tell another member of staff what she said but they didn't care.

It's gd to know there are people on here who care. I want to see Dr last Tuesday. And I have to go back in 2 weeks. Doctors are no help. They dnt care or understand.

Im starting to really believe drink and drugs is the answer. I see how it effects the boys here. They have suggested I try some on many occasions so I'm thinking I should accept the offer next time

[JusC]

It's good that ur trying to stay strong Dying Angel. Thats more important then anything else right now. I know u will feel better once u recieve Counselling on Friday and ur support worker Thursday so it will be alright. Why wouldnt it be right now? That shouldn't be too long but carry on it then as ur doing great :) You are and I know it.

Please don't do anything stupid. Your nearly there with the recovery that ur recieving and the Counselling should help alot more. I know u would be able to talk to ur support worker about things and that's good to hear. I'm sorry that ur colleague wasn't very helpful and I think going to talk about this to either ur manager or another person that u get on with more is best for u. Hopefully one of them will understand and can try and help the best way. Could u maybe do that?

We want to help u as thanks is the whole part of what RYL is. Like to help people who need support or advice. Everyone on here does and that's what makes RYL what it is. This is a supporting site and everyone needs to respect other people and I'm glad that others have done as that's what it's all about. Not many people on here say doctors are much help or anything else but we're here to help and see what help is there for them so they can receive it though some dont want help and on my someone to listen which is fair enough to understand. That's good that u have an appointment, hopefully they can recommend something for u which may help. Could be anything to try and make u feel better. I would try it and see. You know u got the doctor otherwise.

You know u always got RYL here for u and if u ever need to talk I'm here as u know as were here to help u as I said.

Why though? Your doing well without it? I dont see why u would cuz u never wanted to drink or do drugs before. You don't need it and ur gonna get help soon. Focusing on what will make u happy and not what u think will make u happy is best right now. What do u like to do? What would u say to a friend who wanted to do that when weren't feeling great themselves? That it's ok? No!

Hugs x

[Dying_Angel]

I dont wanna be strong anymore. Im tired of being strong. I had a text from my counsellor saying that she wont be able to see me this week. And will txt me when she can. Last time she did this she was off for 2 months.

Nobody in real life wants to help. They dont care.

I will do anything now not to feel like this and i feel drink and drugs are the solution.

I dont even wanna talk to my support worker. Or the doctor

i just want to be dead

[chickenpie]

Oh sweetie you sound like you're at the end of your tether. Please try and talk to someone, a Doctor would be a good start, I think you should ask for an emergency apt or go to A n E it's worrying that you seem like you've given up.

I know its hard when the distressing thoughts wont go away. I'm not going to say it will get better because you've heard it all before, and even though it probably will its hard to believe and even consider as its NOW you need things to be okay.

If your support worker/counsellor is going to be off I suggest asking to see another member of the team. Tell them its urgent there should always be a duty worker on who might be able to help you.

Maybe if your friends/bf knew how desperate you are feeling they might be able to support you more? I know that a hug and a shoulder to cry on sometimes helps more than any advice from someone you've never met.

Could you start by taking baby steps to feel better? Eat regularly, try to get into a sleep routine, think of ANYTHING to distract yourself even for a few minutes. I know I can't offer any practical advice so I'm sorry.

Keep posting on here, if nothing else it might help you get things out and if someone replies you might see things in a different way. I don't want you to die. I don't want you to have to go through that pain and fear. I am certain that ANYONE you asked would say they would rather you were alive.

Please speak to a Doctor. Please ask for more help.

Gemx x

[JusC]

Ok. I see that ur not in a good frame of mind right now and that's fair enough u feel the way u do but I'm not going tell u to take up drink and drugs to make u feel better when in fact it really isn't and u think it will cuz of possible side effects it has to make u feel free again.

You need proper help and Counselling. Thats why I'm not sure wether u need to see the doctor and actually get them to refer u to The Mental Health Team or The Crisis Team cuz I do think u need more support right now. Your support worker isnt enough to give u the help u want. Are u based in the UK? I just wanna ask cuz I am and I think I can help u further if u are but if not then there are alternatives.

Please let me know

JusC

[Dying_Angel]

Thank you

Yea I'm in the UK.

I see my support worker in couple hours. My counsellor it's a bit complicated but there is no one else I can see.

The CMHT are no good I was discharged from them couple weeks ago. Apparently doing more Voluntary work is the solution. I do voluntary work Already which I struggle to go too. I'm really shy and struggle to communicate how I feel. I tried writing it down but they don't wanna know unless I speak it.

I have a drs appointment Tuesday. Which I'm gonna cancel there's no point in going.

I don't wanna tell my friend or bf coz they have enough going themselves without worrying about me.

I'm a idiot. I need to be dead. I have a couple of plans that need perfecting. Then I hope to be dead and at peace which is what I've always wanted

[Dying_Angel]

Today has been awful spoke to support worker. Was already feel bad first thing I did when I woke up was cut myself a lot. Staff knew what I'd done. They went home n said big boss would come open office she did come. Didn't open office tho. I've been feeling really out of it today.

My bf called Me n I was talking to him. He called me again a few mins later and I went out side n brokw Down crying and telling him how bad I couldn't live any more.

He tells me I kinda switch a lot. What's all that about.

I couldn't keep myself safe so I'm staying with him tonight.

I just want to die

[JusC]

Thats good that u have ur voluntary work to go to. It's good that ur getting out and about and socisling with other people. That's a good step into feeling that little bit better which is a good thing.

You mentioned the Crisis Team are no help or ur CPN. Is this cuz there is nothing what is helping u right now to recover? Have u tried what they suggested in terms of moving forward?

I think it's vital that u do go back to ur GP as it seems to me they have helped u before in which ur getting the help u need but if it's nor working then I would keep that appointment and go see them and be open and honest with them. Hopefully they should try and help further cuz u been to see them before as u need more help or something.

You don't have to tell ur friend if u don't want to or ur bf. They wouldn't tell them either so ur ok. I think u need someone like the doctor who can be some sort of support right now as before. I think this would be a good idea for u to go and see them again. Would u do that? Yh

I thought about what u can do to get a bit of more support and I thought u could get in touch with this helpline service called Get Connected which u proberly would of heard of. They don't give advice to u but they look for other services in ur area which may help u get the support u need. Let them know that u have tried others services before what u will say and let them find something which will be more help. You can talk to them by webchat or on the phone. I also thought Mind would be good for u as ur going through Depression and Anxiety so getting in contact with them will help u get advice two. Have u thought about attending any Workshops or Classes on Mental Health who u can go to? That would be a good idea also. Remember u have RYL where others can try and help who can give u advice. Would this be something u can do?

I hope this is helpful and I'm here if u wanna talk x

[Dying_Angel]

Thank you

I dont have a CPN and the Crisis Team are beyond usless. I have tried what they suggest but it doesnt realy help.

I still feel crap and im cutting more more more. Most at my wrist, my bf is concerned but its fine it dont matter. I tried to talk to staff yesturday and told her how bad i feel and wanna die and she decided to talk tattoos instead. that wasnt helpful

i wanna give upo i wanna die

i wont be happy until im dead

i dread every morning i wake up as i always wish i handnt

[JusC]

Its good that ur bf is being very supportive with u and he wont give up on u which is the sort or support u need right now. Im pleased ur still getting the help u deserve and i know it may not be helping but its continuing with that support.

There any of ways u can think of what isnt gonna to hurt u or upset u in any way what isnt sucidual related? Could be anything u would like to try or would like to?

You know u have RYL and its good that u can open up on here. Were all hear to support each other and be there for one another. There is always someone to talk to so dont worry. You know that. Could u try to think about what kind of support u are after? Anything what will try and not let u think like this.

Im here if u wanna talk x

[Dying_Angel]

I just wanna be dead it's too much. Life is too hard. Went to drs today By he referred me bk to CMHT