Originally Posted by
mousetrousers
I'm so sorry you're not feeling good. I wish I could help you more. I am feeling really positive about recovery at the moment. I have not counted calories for nearly 3 days. THREE! And I think I am eating 'normally'. Massive achievement for me. If I can give up some control, the heart of my ed, anyone can. Maybe stop counting and just eat?
Thank you, thats really kind:) i will be all right though.
No wonder my body is traumatized...cant really work with the body the same way as i can with the mind so i just got to give it some time.
I know I am on the right path anyway.
thats really great to hear!:D well done! Keep kicking anas butt!:D three days is alot more in "ed days" so that says alot! Now make it a habbit not to count okay?;) food really is medicine.
Oh i totally know what you mean. I had that thought too. "If i can, everybody can" cause i really lost hope sometimes. Also, i think that being able to fight against an ed/beating it, says alot more than "just" being able to do that. Like i feel like if i can do this then what cant i do? Cause this is freaking hard and i came so much further than i ever imagined.
I dont really want to say that the illness or recovery feels like a blessing cause i dont wish it for my worst enemy but i do feel like its not all bad.
I learnt that i can do more than i tell myself. I learnt to push my limits cause i been forced to it, time after time. I think we get to work with us self in a very deep level that other "healthy" people dont get to. (But still could benefit of) I learnt the power of thoughts. Like i proberly have more positive thoughts on a average day than the average (stressed/caught up in everyday life) woman cause i depend on positive thoughts to fight and keep going. I cant stand in the front of the mirror and think alot negative thoughts cause that could throw me back into a fatal relapse. I cant "afford" talking or thinking negatively about myself or life the same way alot of woman do.
Alot of the things i learnt in recovery havent "just" learnt me to fight against my ed but also learnt me to get a better life.
Doing my illness i wanted so bad to be like other healthy normal people like my co-workers and such.
Well now i started working again, its pretty clear to me that the average healthy woman really arent all that happy and healthy. Today i want more for myself than that. I do think that if i havent hit rock buttom and been forced to build myself and my life up from scratch i would have been just like them.
I would have things from the past nagging me, making me unhappy and bitter. I would allow a low self esteem to rule my mind. Yet i would be to ashamed to show it or admit so i would fight everyday to deny it and push it down into my subconscious. Where it would take a bite of me every day. I see people do that all the time, everyday and i remember doing it myself.
I cant live like that anymore because of the ed and i am pretty grateful about that to be honest.
Anyway hope it makes sense. Just want you to keep figthing cause there are rewards for the hard work. Again well done for figthing back!
