Bless you sound in a really bad place. Please don't feel any worse because of what your husband said, nobody can understand what you're going through apart from you, as much as they would like to.
Not sure if you need to remove the bit about saying what you did? I don't know I'm not a mod.
Its good you've reached out on here, it can help sometimes just to say whats in your head. I'm sorry about what your husband said, but honestly its not about how much you care about a relationship, when you're in that much pain and distress it can seem impossible to think of other people.
Maybe you could talk to him about how you're feeling? And maybe why? Or try to write it here if it would help.
It might be a good idea, when you are having a stable moment, to write a list of the reasons why you don't want to end your life. People you'd miss, people that would miss you, things you'd never see or do again - warm bubble bath, first cup of tea of the day, making love etc. It might help when you are in that really bad place just to have a reminder, something to focus you, maybe just give you space to think about if you really want to be going down that route.
Is time away going to be hard? Could you keep posting on here? Or maybe have helpline numbers with you incase it gets too much?
Do you have any support? It would be a good plan for you to tell your Dr or Psych that you tried to kill yourself, that's very worrying and you need help.
Sorry I don't have much advice, but I've heard you and I'm thinking about you.
Gemx x
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