My old thread died but I need some advice? Please
I am seeing a nurse and today I went to her and she keeps on about a social group she wants me to join. i said in the other thread how the OT wasn't nice, she said it was my own fault I had no friends in college and insulted me to my face. I told the nurse I did not want to join this group. Today she got the other OT to come into the room and she introduced us. She said that I did nothing all day every day, spoke to nobody all week and had no friends and where I lived wasn't nice. This is almost word for word what she said. I said how can I be doing nothing when I only finished a full degree a month ago had to wait for my results and am now looking for work and write every day and am published also.
I also said I try to ring my family every day and I go online and chat to people. She made me feel like crap and this other girl was just looking at me. I don't think it was her place to lay bare my weaknesses like that to a stranger. I can't handle them using my illness as an excuse to make me join all these groups when I would be much happier just finding a job and having money so I could do things. Yes, I am socially isolated but I do not want to be around other people who struggle to get through the day, I want to be in a normal place with people acting normal. I went into the place where they have the groups and the people there were really unwell and it triggered me and i wanted to leave.
Surely it is my choice whether I go to these or not? And what do people think about the way she spoke about me? After all the hard work I put in to finish college I still feel like I am being dragged down by others. I see people who don't work or do anything and nobody questions them or makes them feel bad. No matter how hard I try all I get is bull. i am sick of it. She just blabs her mouth about my personal feelings to this other person and I had to sit there just cos I have MH problems. nobody else would have put up with it.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Sorry to hear about you experience with the nurse - I know all too well how that feels.
Firstly, can you request a new nurse? She doesn't seem very open to your needs and ideas. Secondly, tell her (if you feel up to it) how exactly the group meetings made you feel. Tell her they made you feel triggered and you feel it might not be beneficial to your recovery. She can't force you to do something that will make you ill.
I'm studying at the minute, working part-time and a lot of my communication with people (aside from the hello, how are you etc at work) is online. I find this perfectly substantial and actually find it helps me as it's easier for me to write down my feelings and talk to people over the computer than face to face. It's been an essential part of my recovery. So I disagree greatly with her opinion on that.
Sorry to hear you have had a bad time hun and sorry I don't have many more words to make it better. I'm here any time, just drop me a PM.
Thank you for your reply. i have been seeing her two years and she probably knows me too well and is too familiar and used that today to expose me in front of the other girl. I don't know what to do because I depend on her support but I don't think she tells the truth about things. She said everyone in the group had jobs and all this then when I met the OT she said none of them work and it's a struggle for them to get through the day. i am not judging them but I don't need that on top of everything else. She also told me about how great the hospital was and when I went there, it was worse than the illness itself, it was torture.
I think you are great studying and working, I know how hard that it.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Can you sit her down and have a chat with her then possibly? It seems like she does care but maybe doesn't know the right way to go around it. My last counsellor and I had our disagreements, her pushing me into things I didn't want to do and therefore me pushing her away. We got to a stage where we went back to stage one. We had a few sessions chatting normally, getting to know each other and trusting each other again. Then I told her what I wanted from the sessions and she told me what she expected of me. Then we told each other if we could reach each others expectations.
I had a lot more respect for her after that and feel that she took my opinion into consideration a lot more as she knew I was genuinely looking out for myself and not trying to pull the wool over her eyes.
I hope you get it sorted soon, I know how important the support is :)
I think mental health services aren't the end all be all- but mental health is. They will have their rationale for wanting you to join a group, I assume including being able to assess you in this setting. Are you only seen individually? You might be more high functioning in some areas than people in the group, but if you do not go a few times you do not really know the benefits. "Triggering" in what way? If it is pushing buttons then maybe it is things you need to work on?
I often hear from family that I do nothing. I almost face planted today running errands using the bus. From a practical sense I almost get the snap out of it. However, I see a group session as a promotion of sorts. Learning to play nice with other people. Your health professionals probably need to explain their rationale more patiently. I get accused of hearing the wrong thing all the time. Hang in there.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
I understand the not wanting to go to groups I have always declined offers because I didn't think they would be up my street and I can struggle to get to know people. At the time I was offered the groups I did need to improve what I was doing so instead I worked with a support worker to improve what I was able to do so that I would be able to return to uni. To do this we plan activities to do each day and rewards. Would it be possible to keep a diary or plan out how you spend your days so that your OT can see how you are doing and may be able to suggest improvements that don't involve going to groups.
Thanks everyone. I spoke to her today again and she seemed fine, I told her I can't make the group due to something else health wise I had to get checked out. They are texting me the details of next weeks group already. I think she does care but is hell bent on me joining it. I do stuff every day, I finished college a month ago exactly and already am waiting on a second interview for a job. I am trying to get published more and i go walking every evening, go shopping, visit my mother and make all the appointments. i did arrange to do relaxation and art therapy too. So I have agreed to do some groups. I don't want to spend every day in the hospital either considering by then I might be working and doing all the other stuff I have to do cos I don't have help. I have to cook, shop and do everything for myself and I have physical problems too.
My next problem is my Graduation, I think it's a lot nearer than I realised and I can only bring two people. I already invited the lady who works in the college who was very supportive during college and she promised she would not see me graduate alone. Then my sister wanted to come but she is a chronic alcoholic and I told her I couldn't have her come and be drunk or ruin things for me after I worked so hard even after being in hospital. My other sister does not contact me, never bothers with me, my mother is bed ridden and my father is very aggressive and made me homeless in the past. My brother is also an alcoholic. therefore what do I do? My aunts and cousins pretend they don't recognise me and my friends cut me off years ago. i really am a sad case dependent on services. i would ask my sister but she turned up in hospital when I was inpatient and she was off her face on meds and booze and all the nurses were looking at her.
I will add that none of my family have ever been to college and this is the second time I have been. i know I repeat myself in my threads but you would thing they would make a fuss out of me this day but no none of them even mentioned it. I am always just forgotten about by everyone and I am at the stage where I don't think any of them deserve to be there cos what help were they when I lay in bed wanting to die? They haven't been there and my mother does try but she won't get out of bed at all these days. I just want to have a nice day, have lunch and get dressed up and enjoy after all the hard work I put in. I don't need to be anxious or worried like I usually am with my family.
Last edited by consequential : 17-09-2014 at 08:18 PM.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
My mh team are always suggesting I go to mh related social groups. I argue that being out of the mh environment is better for mh than being in it.
I have problems with isolation but I really can't see the problem with it if it doesn't affect living skills and your health. I'm happy being home alone all day. I can't see why that is an issue.
If your well, happy and healthy then ask her what the problem is exactly?
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
probably it is due to the fact that i am alone all the time and this is what she pointed out yesterday. I told her spending an hour with a group won't change that. I said the problem is my family and the shocking way they carry on. I have had no break, i just finished college and I am trying to do all the stuff I couldn't do before like go walking and go to the dentist cos I need loads of work done. i also need to see consultants and gps and I want to rest and watch some shows i never got to see. Straight after college she was pushing me and there has to be people in her service who haven't worked in years and why don't they push them. I spent weeks writing and sending work off too but i am only human and need to rest because I don't feel well a lot. I am tired and in pain and sometimes i feel the depths of this awful feeling that hurts a lot. I deserve a holiday but I am not well enough to travel the truth be known. i have looked for a job so will try to work part time but I possibly need more time to get better. it's been horrifying for me all this. Now my family are shouting abuse at me over my graduation, something that i worked so hard for.
she has a habit of pointing out details from when I was psychotic and using them for examples but I was only psychotic twice in 8 half years so why use that instead of all the other time when I was fine. I can't win cos I depend on her too much. I don't even have anyone to tell me if the dress I have to wear looks nice or not and I have no proper full length mirror.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Congrats on graduation. Maybe you can give an extra ticket to one of your close friends whose family support you also. If they are doing a graduation "do" maybe you can share the evening- dinner or whatever?
Regarding the groups, you probably have to be as persistent as they are being. If you like writing so much is there a bibliotherapy group- or writing therapy group? Once you start whatever- art therapy etc. they will have to review. You are the expert on your life. Maybe they are being too pushy for you right now, or maybe they see something in you you are not seeing in yourself in terms of what you can manage.
Family doesn't get any less complicated. I am not clear what they are shouting at you about. Definitely talk to the therapists about that. How about family group therapy?
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
They offered the family therapy in hospital and my family wouldn't do it, they came up with all these excuses as to how busy they were. my sister wants to come but she doesn't stay sober and never dresses up and it's a very formal affair and I can't trust her not to drink or fall asleep in public cos that's whats she usually does. I don't have many friends that's why the groups were suggested. But they want me to do three groups a week and make my nurse and doctor's appointments and I have to sort out my gp visits and the dentist will take ages and weeks also. On top of that i have to try to keep shopping and walking and doing everything. I don't have time for it, I never had the chance to even get to a dentist cos I was so unwell and trying to do my degree, This is the first time in three years that i am fully free and I still have not even gone out for a drink to celebrate getting nearly all first class honours. i am stressed out about money and what to wear and how I will pay for everything. I think i will have to wear something I already own cos I just don't have the income for all this, and I need to pay for my hair and a new bag.
I asked the woman who works in the college to go with me before so I wouldn't be alone. Everytime i ring my family all they do is complain and are very negative and abusive people. My sister is very crude and talks about sex openly without any shame and I don't think i can deal with that. My father is very abusive and used to tell me how fat and useless I was every day. I don't see why I should have to ask these people who ruined my life to be there with me. There is no support with them and i don't feel well enough to even think about any of it.
I told the nurse today that I had to get up at 7 am to make it through traffic to get to the dentist, then I have to try and get through that and go home. They want me to go straight to a group after it, and i said I don't think I will feel able. They are basically expecting me not to have my smear test but to go to another group as well. I said my health and well being is more important than going to these things. Seriously, maybe in a while I will have time but I don't now because I seem to be busy every day. It's not like I am bored which is what these groups are for. I need a job to pay for post grad and to keep a car on the road, I told them this was vital for my mh as having no money is making me stressed.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
