Originally Posted by
wildharmony
There comes a point in your life when you realise that :
If you keep having these dysfunctional relationships with a lot of people, there is something that you might be doing that is causing them.
Now I'm not trying to be all mean and hardball here, but you need to analyse yourself and your behavior. Sometimes if you treat yourself like crap, it's like other people sense that and they start thinking your not much better either.
It sounds like your illness is a real factor. But you need to try to understand yourself (while not delving into self-loathing... I know that can be hard) and figure out how you interact with people and what is going wrong.
Family members can be crap and because they have been around you for years their comfort levels at are a high and it's like they become so content with each other they can become even more self centred and less sympathetic. Not always the case, but might be here. What I'm trying to say is when it comes to families, they are in a league of their own. Which can really suck.
You need to interact with people, but in a face to face environment. Join a book club or a bloody Mahjong group or something. Life is a constant school of learning where you build your experiences and that way know how to deal better with situations that arise in the future.
You don't seem like a bad person. You don't seem dumb either because you realise there is something askew. I wish you the best of luck.
Take care.
But the thing is I hardly ever show my problems enough to anyone besides one girl who's my best friend for 7 years. When I interact I try and be positive, and being in social situations distracts me from my depression .. so a lot of the time i like to think that I am appearing and seeming normal. I've only ever snapped at a few people when I'm having a manic episode and then after i explained what was happening and everyone always understands.. i mean it doesn't happen often around others besides my fiance. i just don't know why people go out of their way to avoid me. i can't even get to the point where i see people face to face. there's no groups or clubs in my town because it's a small, shitty retirement town with a low population.. i pretty much know everyone my age here anyway . i;ve tried chaging myself to make people like me more.. i lost 95lbs so they wouldnt judge or bully me like they did.. but now all i get are guys trying to hook up with me and a lot of thegirls i liked before got all angry and jelous or something and call me anorexic and a bunch of mean names like that..
i'm just so stuck. i can't move until my fiance comes back here because i don't think i'd ever make it on my own..
i really don't want to believe it's me .. i can't figure out a flaw that i have that would drive EVERYONE away.. i just don't get it..
Originally Posted by
tiptoes
I'm sorry the people n your life aren't supportive, do you have any professional support at the moment?
Do you have any hobbies that could get you interacting with more people? It must be hard to on your own for such chunks of time, I know my depression worsens when I spend so much time on my own and then I don't want see people and my depression worsens still. It is a vicious cycle.
When I am depressed bipolar is the worst because it fills your head with negativity and all the times you have been low and completely ignores the times when life has been good. It is an episode, it might be a horribly debilitating episode but like all the others it can and will pass. I have a motto for these times you cannot live tomorrow if you die today. Things will get better it might not be tomorrow, or next week but with time how you feel will improve.
I don't right now but I am planning on going back to the doctor next month to tryand see if i can get startedon medications again.. my last ones for the depression gave me very intense heartburn so i stopped them.
i've tried to get out, but like i said in my reply above this town is so small and there's nothing to do. i live in the middle of nowhere.. we don't even have more than a few shops. i have to travel a long while to get to the town over which is bigger.. but transportation sucks because i don't have a car or license and the bus pretty much doubles the commute time..
i've tried planning on going to things like conventions but nothing like that ever happens close.. they're always in towns that are hours and hours away.. the only way i ca even do hobbies is if i choose something free and that i can do alone.. so the only thing i ever do is workout. it sucks.. we don't even have a gym here or anything..
