I thought I had just fainted. Nothing is clear right now cos I don't remember much. I don't remember yesterday at all. But all the signs point to an od. I think I've been trying to not do it for a while and guess I couldn't hold out anymore. Been hysterically crying at my mum because I'm so sorry for putting her and everyone else through this. The doc said I risked brain damage had I not been in hospital when I stopped breathing and my boyfriend and friend were there when it actually happened. My mums been crying. I think of my little sister and little brother and best friend who is grateful I'm still alive.
For once I regret my actions and know I want to live. I want to fight this. I want to go through the pain.
Doc was not harsh but clear. "This is as serious as it gets" he said. It's time for me to take this seriously and fight for my life. I think things are probably going to get worse especially with flashbacks before they get better but it has to be better than this.
My skin is so so so bad. Can't see dermatologist cos they are based at another hospital but I've got a gp appointment tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get through seeing psych quickly, make it to the appointment and get an admission that way. So I've got more hospitals ahead of me which sucks a bit but if I could get my skin under control it would help.
This has been frightening, but I'm glad to hear you want to live and fight through this. Use these feelings to motivate you and try to remember why you're doing this when things get tough. Xxx
I'm seeing things. I've never hallucinated before. There's a man in the corner who wants to kill me, he's slow moving and there's ants crawling up the wall. Fast. And the bed is levitating. Is the man doing something to it? He's going to kill me. Help me please I'm scared. The medical nurses don't see them.
can you ask the nurses to see psych as an emergency? They may be able to give you some prn to help.
I was once in a similar position in a medical ward and eventually the medical nurses got psych to come up to the ward as an emergency and gave me some medication which helped.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
No one is going to kill you and as you've identified these as hallucinations here and in another thread, I'm guessing that on some level you know that.
What have the nurses said?
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
No way alps (local team) will come out at this hour unless I kick off. If he puts his hands on my and comes at me with an axe then I might. He wants me dead. the bed literally raised itself off the ground without anyone touching it and it just got higher and higher. On it's own! They don't feel unreal I can see them! I know other people can't but that doesn't mean they're not real.
that isn't helpful of them :(
have you had some sleep tonight? sometimes lack of sleep can cause hallucinations, or it could be an effect from the OD you took. I know that doesn't make it less scary or less real, just trying to think if you know a cause it could help in a small way.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Yeah thank you. The man is gone thank god for now. I feel a bit safer. Might be related to the odd cos that's when it started but it's should be out off sustem by now.
Time for rational thinking. You have identified (as said before) this as hallucinations, therefore you will not be killed because you are a bright lass and you know the definition of hallucinations. And one part of that definition is that what you are experiencing is not real. It is your mind playing tricks on you.
I hope you are feeling better now it's daytime and light outside.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
