has anyone had similiar experience?

[wi-nter]

guys i don't know what's going on lately i am just looking for someone to talk to really and maybe someone who has had similiar experience they can share??? i don't know i am just so helpless

so i have never been overweight. i have always worked out to some extent. for most of my life it was soccer twice or three times a week but then about 1.5 years ago i started going to the gym and running. at first i went for a run like once a week or so and to the gym maybe twice a week. but then i started feeling insecure about by body and weight and started blaming everything on my weight. like why i never have a serious relationship or why no boy/girl seems to ever like me. and i started to feel guilty eating when i didn't work out the same day. so i started working out every day. when i couldn't go to the gym i went for a run or did youtube fitness videos online. i currently work out every day UNLESS i have an 8 hour shift at work (which is pretty physical i have to stand and run around all day) and even then sometimes i come home and work out. it has come to a point when i don't work out for a day because i just don't find the time i hate myself so much i just stand in front of the mirror and pinch my stomach. i feel like i don't deserve to eat a lot when i don't work out. and even when i work out i hate myself when i eat carbs for anything but breakfast or when i have chocolate or whatever. otherwise i eat normally, pretty big portions and stuff but i just think a lot about what i eat. and i can barely function when i have to go out for lunch/dinner or when people invite me over for food. it just stresses me out so much. and lately i have been burning up to 1000 calories at the gym per day and that does not include extra workouts on arms or abs. and sometimes i come back from a one hour run and feel like a failure because that's not enough of a work out.

ugh i just wish i wasn't so focused on it and i could appreciate myself without the workouts. i still think i am too fat and admire girls who are really skinny.
has anyone else experience something like that??? i just feel so stupid. i feel like these are such first world problems. especially right now because my mom is really sick and i feel so stupid thinking about when i will work out next and when i can squeeze in a run.

[i am sorry if this is the wrong section but i just didnt know where else to go]

[Tig]

Hey lovely,

I am sorry you are experiencing this; I can imagine it must be very distressing for you.

Although I have not experienced the intensity of your thoughts with regards to exercise, I have known others who have and I can definitely say you aren't alone but equally I know that doesn't make it any less lonely.

It might be helpful for you to post on the ED part of the boards - a few more people might see this thread there and be able to reply to it.

Thinking of you x

[TheDarkComes]

Hi dear,
I've been in your shoes except I focused more on what I was eating
It started for me when things were out of control and what I ate was all I could control. I started seeing someone and they made me realize that I was mentally ill and was not fat at all. I got help from some therapists to deal with my thoughts and to feel better about myself.
I'm here if you want to talk to someone about it.
X

[wi-nter]

Thank you <3 your replies mean the world.

I don't even know where to go with this. It feels like such a stupid problem compared to what other people deal with and shouldn't I just be able to say "it's okay to not work out for a day"???? Even today I woke up with a sore throat but I just need to go to the gym. it's a vicious circle :(

[Zurg]

Hi Winter.

There's a name for this: Orthorexia. Try and look it up.

There is help for this. You could start by speaking to your doctor and they could point you in the right direction. You're not pathetic or anything like that, this is a real illness that quite a few people struggle with.

Hope this helped a little....

[Patent Pending]

Hi Winter,

I think quite a few people here have been in your position and I know myself I've felt similar.

I would suggest you go and speak to your doctor about this and see if they can point you in the right direction towards some specialist help.

Take care, we're here to support you.

x x x

[wi-nter]

^ thank you so much! i just don't know which doctor to go to. I don't have a doctor where I live because I barely get sick and don't need a gp. I would feel so weird going to a random doctor and telling him about this....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zurg

Hi Winter.

There's a name for this: Orthorexia. Try and look it up.

There is help for this. You could start by speaking to your doctor and they could point you in the right direction. You're not pathetic or anything like that, this is a real illness that quite a few people struggle with.

Hope this helped a little....

thank you so much. I just looked it up and it doesn't sound like me 100%. I am not really obsessed with just eating healthy food, it's not that I look at all the ingredients before I eat I just look out for calories and that I try to avoid carbs except for breakfast. It said online that orthorexic people eat nothing that could harm their body in any way. I d don't look at the ingredients at all.