Reading the threads from 08 & 09 and seeing some very familiar usernames was nice :)
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Dear 13 year old me.
The next few years are going to be really hard, and really unsettled. At the end of year 8, you'll tell somebody about the Incident, and **** will hit the fan and your parents will find out. After that, things won't ever be the same - sorry for the spoiler, but preparation for it may ease it's effects. To cut a long story short - you're going to get yourself in a big mess, and get kicked out of school. Yes, you, little miss smarty-pants.
Some advice; avoid K at all costs. He's not good for you. A will be difficult, but stick with her. It'll open your eyes to a whole new world, and she is a genuine girl. Keep your head down and keep your fists at your sides. Keep the punches to a minimum. See a Dr about the pain, the sooner you get it checked, the better. the same goes for your mental health. You know things haven't been right for a while. Accept the help they offer. Go to church. Spend a lot more time with your Nan, she's not got long left and she has a pretty big secret to tell you.
I'm 20 now. I'm at university. Things aren't perfect, but keep fighting.
P.S. Stop listening to such emo ****
P.P.S. Get off RYL, I'm 20 years old and pretty sure I'm addicted now -.-
But, it'll be OK.
Reach out to someone and accept the help.
Be honest. It's not normal to hear those voices and you don't have to do this all yourself. Go talk to your teachers. Say yes to the counsellors or camhs or anything they offer you.
Scars don't equate suffering. Communicate with words not your body. You'll live to regret harming yourself and the longer you self harm, the harder it's going to get to stop. Take care of your body, it's the only one you have.
Be brave and fight.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
Get a life. You can't run from your anxiety forever so face it now and live. You're a little bit different from everyone else, but not as different as you think. You do have a personality beyond just being the smart one and there are people who will like you. Be brave and go out find yourself because there's more to life than homework my dear. And whatever you do don't ever pick up a blade. Scream at the top of your fucking lungs if you can't work out how to ask for help, it'll be much more effective.
Much love.
P.S. yeah, we say swear words now. Hardcore.
P.P.S You're a lesbian.
Picking up that blade again will turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You'll face choices, choices you shoul never have to make but you know what? You'll make them and you'll learn there is no right or wrong, no choice is perfect. Things are going to get tough (er) but in two years you won't be at home. Appreciate the people who try and help and the small gestures they do to show they care. Write them down, remember them. They will be worth more than any of the crap stuff.
The longer you hide your secrets and use harming to form your identity, to cope, to show your pain, the harder it will be to helpfully express your emotions and to have fun and find happiness and good friends. It's ok not to be perfect. The occasional 'B' is not the end of the world. Just keep talking. Don't end up that girl who seeks attention and care by landing herself in and out of psych wards, overdosing, being jealous of other people's self harm, cutting yourself to pieces. You're not going to get anywhere. By then you'll be an adult and 'should' be at least trying to be responsible. The sooner you start to talk and accept help and ask for it, the easier things will be.
13 is going to be a very tough year for you, but do not and I repeat do not start hurting yourself (if you start you won't stop for many years and will live in complete misery.) When you lose your grandmother don't fall into your grief and hide away in your room holding all that pain inside. When you lose your friend to suicide please don't give up on yourself and think that your life isn't worth living. Look your in for a very hard ride with many more downs than ups but don't let it control your life. Also don't drown your sorrows in food (trust me you regret it later and than have to deal with even more self image issues which lead to bigger problems.) Talk to people about how your feeling and make an effort to face your fears because if you don't your in for a long long road of misery and depression. Your dad is a horrible person and don't waste your time trying to make him care about you (in the end he still won't love you and will make you hate yourself, trust me he is not worth your tears.) (Also as a side note do not stay friends with people who treat you like a doormat and learn to stand up for yourself, it's better to have no friends than to stay friends with people who bring you down.)
Onto the more trivial matters, do not bleach your hair blonde (biggest hair mistake ever.) Embrace your inner nerd and stop with the goth get up, it so does not work on you. Also for the love of god please do not wear so much eyeliner you look like a raccoon cause trust me you will cringe looking back on old photos.
From your awesome 24 year old self
p.s. We end up being quite the potty mouth, even sailors would blush ;)
Our mom becomes one of our best friends (so don't be such a biotch to her.)
Also Sarcasm will become your new best friend so embrace it.
Oh and one last thing your bisexual Surprise!
“I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend...I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend...”
― Neil Gaiman
I'm 31 now almost 32 and the best piece of advice I can offer you is to stand up for yourself more, don't take any **** from the people in school pupils and teachers alike and don't pass on the opportunities which will come your way which I did pass on and regret now, the only things I regret at this age are the things I didn't do so take every chance that comes your way take more risks and stand up for yourself more
School sucks but it isn't forever. The people that are bullying you will stop eventually. They may be about when you leave school still but you'll move away one day.
Don't move out when you're 19. You'll be nowhere near ready. Turn up for college. Turn up for work.
You might not have many friends now but you will in the future and you'll appreciate them even more.
Don't start hurting yourself, you'll spend 6 years trying to stop. Don't try and kill yourself either. More people care than you think.
Be nice to yourself. Don't let people take advantage of you. Don't get involved with P. You'll just end up having 5 years of hell and suffering the effects long after.
Don't let people influence you. You'll end up falling out with your family for a year, and on that note, don't write stuff about them on Facebook when you've fallen out with them, because they will find out.
Enjoy life while you can because once you get older, it isn't as fun as you think it is.
Stop it you ****ing idiot. Tell your sodding mother to buy you some better cloths, get your damn hair cut and just try to fit in. Do well at school. Stop hacking away at yourself and just focus on getting through school. Those dickheads won't be there forever. Tell them to **** off or something.
Don't be such a swine to people who care about you.
Don't let yourself become bitter, you will thank yourself later.
Kick your over-thinking in the ass as soon as you realise youre doing it.
Still move overseas,no matter how scary it seems. Youll regret it if you dont.
As hard as it was. Still work as a stripper, it taught you a lot about people and your own friends. You also meet some of the most amazing people doing it.
Save your money, dont spend it on things you dont even want.
Dear Emma,
Don't try to make friends. Just keep your head down, work hard, and finish school.
You'll never have friends. People don't like you, and in the future you don't like them.
don't cut your hair as it will be gone before long. Either get with ****** and treat her the way you did for the first five years or don't bother at all. keep playing football. move out as soon as you can afford too. don't build a tolerance to alcohol or weed but feel free to use responsibly. keep playing punk rock. don't stop writing songs. don't piss your family off for no reason but don't ever expect a close relationship with any of them however hard you try. don't tell anyone about the abuse you went through as a kid. don't try and add your abuser on facebook when you find them. OTHER PEOPLES RESPECT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE BUT YOU DONT NEED IT. THE TRUTH WILL CHANGE AS SOON AS YOU FEEL ORGANISED INSIDE
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