Triggering (Suicide) - Just don't care anymore

Misunderstood. · 19-11-2007, 02:29 AM

i tried [SO HARD] to kill myself on Thursday (just gone) with a large amount of Tomazapam. I'm still here after my fiance and mother-in-law-to-be got me to the general ward and I was pumped with saline for two hours and had bloods taken whilst linked up to a heart monitor.
I discharged myself after taking the Venflon out. Still suffering with dehydration now i honestly am not sure i am pleased i came back to life. For the whole of Thursday i blacked out. I lost that day and am reminded of more of what happened during the hospital admission by Claire and her mum.
Each time i hear bit more of what happened that day, i'm either in fits of laughter / identifying and proud of how i behaved / scared of how severe the suicide attempt was or just...

I just don't know.

Karamazing · 19-11-2007, 04:09 AM

Wanting to end your life is a hard thing to understand, and our reactions to it is also hard to understand. Like one time I wanted to sleep for an entire day because I knew it was going to be hard, so I took 15 melatonin, which I knew wasn't going to work but I thought having an amazing amount of it in my system would make me forget for awhile. And now I think about how stupid it was because of being too afraid to take anything stronger. Feelings and reactions are just hard to understand and for awhile you won't know...but there will be a day when you're in recovery or even just a day of sheer happiness and a lot of it will make sense. Be patient and Be well.

Misunderstood. · 19-11-2007, 05:47 AM

Thanks ever so much for the reply. It certainly makes alot of sense. I will have to re-read it a few times before it's sunk in properly as my concentration is @ an all-time low currently.

Love from Catherine xxxx