Advice please? :'(

[my_smile_is_fake]

Hi,

So I've not been great for a few years now and I have had my fair share of s*** gp's and psychs so happened to keep falling off the system. So this year at uni I went and saw a uni councellor with the hope I'd manage to talk even a little and well it helps if I get to the stage I'm not coping with uni work.

But anyhoo, up til this week I've not managed to say a great deal to her, but she's a talker so that's cool. But today (probs cause I'm so tired and don't really care any more) I kinda mentioned I have been having quite a few sui thoughts recently.

Of course she got all worried and wanted me to get an emergency gp appointment. But well I know how cr*p you get treated so said no. Then she asked if I'd think about it tonight and email her tomorrow, and I can go to the uni nurse and have her help phone my gp. But I REALLY don't wanna.

Like I'm 80% sure I'm not gonna actually do anything right now, its just thoughts. So I don't see the point in going when they have already been arseholes with me. But she didn't really get it. And I'm pretty sure shes wanting to refer me to my gp as this is kind of out with her "capabilities" (I cant think of the right word).

Now I'm just wishing I hadn't said anything. I don't know what I want from this, there's really no way I'm going to speak to my gp but I want to hear what you guys think/ have experienced. Has anyone actually had a good experience?? Out of my 6 or 7 Dr's I've had speak to me I've liked, respected or walked away feeling slightly better is none.

[Belt]

Why don't you e-mail your counselor and compromise? You visit your GP and talk about adjusting your medicine or creating a plan in case you do feel actively suicidal and she keeps seeing you? Thinking about suicide isn't uncommon, it's only when you actively think of killing yourself that it's a problem. Could you explain you aren't actively planning to commit suicide?

I spent some time at short-stay where they treat suicidal patients overnight and all of the nurses I met were really nice though the doctors always feel a little clinical and distant to be really comforting but they are really just trying to help as best they can.

[my_smile_is_fake]

She has said she would see me next week again, but the way she was talking it was like she wanted me to be sen by someone who knows better how to deal with this (as in through my gp). And I did say I didn't have a specific plan or date or anything like that. But in the past when I've done stuff like this it's not been planned it's kinda just a case of "ahh I can't keep fighting" and it happens. So I couldn't promise to her that I wouldn't do anything, if that makes sense.

Urgh I don't know. I really just shouldn't have said anything :/

[Belt]

Don't judge what she's going to do before she does it, I doubt she'd drop you before you are sorted with at least another counselor your GP has appointed. Which might not be for several weeks, so you can at least seen her for now.

I am sure you can explain that you don't feel comfortable moving onto another counselor. Maybe you can work it out so you can see her as well as another GP appointed counselor when you do or rather if you move on.

What's up anyway? Why are you feeling like killing yourself?

[my_smile_is_fake]

Thanks. :')

Ach its a long story, but at the moment I'm stressed and fed up of the years of fighting just to wake up the next day and things not getting easier. But hey, thats life.

I really appreciate the time youve taken to reply, and the hugs :)

[Patch.]

Hey you,

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Well done for talking to your uni counselor. That was a really brave step.

I'm sorry that your GPs haven't been supportive. Is there another GP surgery you could switch to locally?

Remember I am just a PM away, if there is anything I can do. x

[my_smile_is_fake]

Thanks :)

Eh the gp I'm at this now is a different one to before, but i've already been to the MH outpatient bit they are linked with, and yeah she was a bit of a cow and the whole centre seemed really disorganised. I dunno, I'm just bored with retelling my shizzle and being treated like crap for it.

[Icecube. Swirls]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment. Talking to your unique counsellor is good because it shows that you want to get help. It's must be hard that you don't have a supportive gp but is there any local gp which has excellent reviews from patiences which you could go to instead. If you need to talk feel free to PM me anytime okay ?

Love from MEERA xx

[Patch.]

I understand the frustration of having to repeat things over and over again.

I don't really know what else to suggest, but just know that I am here. Keep fighting, we don't want to lose you x

[my_smile_is_fake]

Thanks guys. I really don't want to seem like I'm knocking back all your ideas. I'm just frustrated with myself. sorry

[x-Silvermist-x]

What about doing a pros and cons list of making an appointment with the GP?

x

[my_smile_is_fake]

Ooh, that I like :)