I don't know anymore.

WretchedDefect · 19-11-2013, 12:32 AM

I don't know what it is, or why it is that for nearly 8 months a year I feel like nothing more than worthless. I am not saying that I won't or can't smile during this time, but a lot of the time it is fake, and this usually starts in around the colder months and doesn't end till mid april, early may.
The past few weeks I have been feeling so down on myself, and everything I do, and I have no clue as to why. I don't know if I am happy in my relationship or not, or if it is just that I am not happy in myself. Though if it is my relationship that is part of it, I don't think I could even attempt to dump her. It would kill me to leave her and her kid, and I do mean literally kill me. But I am so attached to both of them, and to me they are like my little family. I have no clue what to do, if I should stay with her, or see if breaking it off helps any. But I can't really blame this on her, as I have been like this from quite a young age, and it has caused me to do some pretty stupid things to my body, and still does every so often. I really just don't know...

Patent Pending · 19-11-2013, 12:58 AM

Hi there.

Have you ever spoken to a doctor/professional about this? It may be that you suffer with SAD...obviously we can't diagnose you but it may be worth looking into.

Relationships are tough especially with kids from a previous relationship. Would you be able to take a break for a while? Stay with family/friends just to sort your head out a bit for yourself. It doesn't have to be permanent.

Or perhaps it may help to look into some counselling to work through feelings you're having?

We're here to support you :)

x x x

Belt · 20-11-2013, 12:41 AM

Does your partner know you struggle with mental health problems? If not maybe you should tell her, I find being honest and sincere about whatever I'm thinking and feeling with who I am with can help shed light on whether I actually want to be with them or not, I am -sick- and if I can't trust a person to understand that sometimes I may be quick or hurt myself then I can't be with that person.

WretchedDefect · 20-11-2013, 02:03 AM

I did tell her, but unfortunately for me it went badly, and caused quite an argument between us. Also no I have not seeked out professional advice, due to the fact I have it in my head that therapists, psychiatrists and counsellors all look down on you for how you feel. which may seem kind of stupid but, its just how I feel

Belt · 20-11-2013, 03:41 PM

That's how you feel but it's not true. Most people who study psychiatry or counselling do so because they want to help people. I used to say to my counselor, who was also my youth worker, "Aren't you tired of hearing this shit?" to which he'd always reply, "I love this shit. This shit give my life meaning." It wasn't until I met him that I was able to speak freely about my feelings because before that I'd always been afraid that mental health professionals were trying to 'change me'. Look at it this way, you wouldn't try to beat an physical illness by yourself so why would you try to cope with a mental illness on your own? In the past I've found that making steps toward recovering however small have helped greatly. Whether that's setting an appointment with a GP or e-mailing a mental health charity for information. I suggest you do that. It's important to have someone to talk to, especially if your partner doesn't want to. Lots of love.

WretchedDefect · 20-11-2013, 08:16 PM

Its not that she doesn't, its more when I told her how I was feeling I also explained about the relationship. Basically what I got in response was if I left her it would be the cause of her death. I have seen multiple therapists and counselors and it'd always the same out come I can't help but lie about how I feel. I'm afraid of being judged or labeled as something being wrong with me