I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I'm sort of talking to this guy. I'm scared because I think when he sees my scars, or my fresh burns, he will turn around and run the other way. Is there any hope for us at all? There's such a stigma surrounding self-harm that no one ever wants to talk about it and they most certainly don't want to be involved with people who do SH. I just don't know how I'm ever going to find someone who truly loves me and knows about my past. I don't think I can hide it from anyone forever.
"And in this moment, I swear we were infinite."
"Nothing fixes a thing in the memory as the wish to forget it."
If he is the right guy, if he is understanding, he wont care if you have scars or not because he will want to be around you for your personality.
The first time my boyfriend saw my arms we were just laying in bed. i didnt say anything i just froze. but he didnt shout or get angry or storm off. we are from completely different walks of life in some respects because he had never ever experienced any sort of MH issue/didnt have any friends that had it/talked about any problems they had to him. so he was very much in the blue regarding mental health (the first time he saw my scars the first thing that sprung to his mind was that i had been bitten by a shark...but after thinking it over he kind of realised himself it was self harm). and even though there are alot of things i cant tell him, and alot of times he doesnt understand, he is getting there.
rambling now. what im trying to say is go for it. if you like him then why not? if he turns away then you know he isnt the right one for you and if he doesnt then yay :)
I agree with Blue Star, if the person care about you than the SH won't matter. I think if I found out someone I cared about self-harmed, I would just want to know that they were getting help for it, because I would worry about them. But it wouldn't make me run away from them. Your past and pain is part of what makes you who you are--nobody's perfect, we all have our problems. I understand your fear though--I had a friend who freaked out when she found out about my SH and mental health issues, and our relationship was never the same after that. It hurt, but hiding it from her wouldn't have worked. I hope this guy won't be like that, but if he is that means maybe he's too scared or immature or shallow--it's his issue, not yours!
I am single right now, but I know the feeling. I want to find a man who will love me cuts, bruises and all. But with the stigma surrounding SH, I am worried, like you, that he will turn and run.
Or if the guy does understand, he may buy into the myths surrounding SH. (i.e. it's done to be manipulative).
But, I do believe that there a good men out there who won't run away when we mention our SI.
If he really likes you it should never be an issue. I think, speaking from my experiences (of being on his side of things), that one of the worse things you could do is hide them from him. Just be honest from the start, even if it's just letting him learn things bit by bit as you're getting more comfortable with him. I knew about my partners scars from the start and yes it hurts me to know that she's been hurt enough to do that, but I love her, they are apart of her, and, in a way, I wouldn't change it.
I hope this helps - of you want to ask anymore you can PM me if you like?
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you've ever wanted
One moment
Would you capture it?
Or just let it slip?
I agree with everyone here: if the guy really cares about you, the scars should be no issue.
I had just stopped harming when I met my boyfriend, now fiance, and he noticed the scars on my arms. I wasn't afraid of what he thought, he simply asked what they were from and I told him the truth, straight up.. He didn't freak out, he just accepted it as having been some part of me; I haven't injured since and we've been together for 3 years.
He is uncomfortable talking about self-injury but I can add that so am I - it's not an easy thing to discuss. So, while I don't discount your worries, you shouldn't worry yourself sick.
The best thing that you can do is be open and honest.
my body betrays me
but i don't betray it back
- the strange boys, doueh
I used to feel just as scared and anxious about this very topic. I'm in a relationship now, and have asked my boyfriend several times what he thought when he saw my scars. He usually tells me he thought I must be interesting because I have a back story to my life, and that I may have been through some struggles before, but that's not for him to pry into.
I'm so lucky to have met one of the few who sees past scars, and seriously, there are many people out there who don't care about physical imperfections. If anything, they try to see it as a quirk which they like. As everyone else has said, if he's Mr. Right, then he won't be making fun of your injuries any time soon.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
