My parents got into a massive fight tonight. I was crying over it and I asked my dad why he wouldn't just leave my mom. That sounds terrible but I wish he would. She hurts people so much and doesn't even realize it.
Anyway, I just started counseling and I already slipped up and I don't want to again. I feel embarrassed telling her when I do. Ugh I want to scream or something.. I've already written it down in my journal and blown up the distractions forum earlier. Nothing is really helping.
Someone please tell me this gets easier. :/
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Sounds like things are pretty rough at the moment, huh? I'm having it rough on my end, too. Different scenario, but its still hard to deal with. I'm trying to quit, too. It sounds like you have a few things already to do to try to help, with your journal and going on the forums here. You mentioned distractions, is there anything you can do to take your mind off things that you haven't tried? I dont know what you usually do, or what you've already tried, but i usually resort to listening to music, anime, or a movie whenever i want get my mind off of whatever crap is going on or bothering me. Sometimes i'll rewatch old younow chats that bands i listen to did. On a rare occassion - usually when i'm in class, actually - i'll draw. I find drawing really relaxing, therapeautic sort of. Anyways, i'm rambling now, sorry! I just wanted to try and help, not really sure if i did any good though.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you. It must be hard seeing your parents fight constantly and feeling so helpless about it. But maybe you could try to distant yourself from it and let your parents do whatever they do. Your still consider there little one and therefore won't be able to do much to stop them fighting despite how hard you try.
How is counselling going for you? Do you feel able to talk to your counsellor properly about what's going on? I don't think you've 'slipped up'. Keep positive you can and will get through this xxx
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Thank you guys for your replies. Things were going much better but last night made it worse. I did manage to keep from self-harming, but I am fighting the urge so hard and it's a bit tiring. I'm also out if town for a few days and I purposely left possible tools at home. I'm glad because I definitely would have used them, but the urge is getting stronger and I stay distracted as much as I can but it's not going away.
I just started seeing my therapist and I've only seen her twice so far. I like her and I feel like I could talk to her but I'm so nervous to. There things I don't ever want to talk about but I know I need to and we haven't gotten there yet. But she is helpful and I can tell she cares.
Thank you for your support. I've never been able to talk to anyone who understands this before, and it helps that you guys are here. :)
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I think the thought of stoping is creating a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I have to stop and I can't SH, and it's making the urges worse. Literally the only reason I haven't is because I don't want to have to tell my counselor if I do.
I'm sorry to post again. I'm just so tired...
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I'm having a really hard time lately. Idk how much fight is left in me.
My parents won't stop fighting. I wish they would get divorced, I really do. Maybe then we could all have a little peace.
I feel like I need to sit on my hands or something. I've been fighting because I want to get through this, but I also want to give in. I honestly don't know what to do. This sucks. :/
I'm so sorry for posting again, I'm just trying to get it out of me and idk. Idk what else to do...
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
My parents are fighting right now too. Started as of a week or so ago. =( Its hard. What i've been doing is every time i feel like giving in and relapsing, i remind myself why i decided to stop - because i was tired of it, because of all the negativity, etc. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Or somewhere, or some way, you can otherwise vent? Like a blog or a friend or a hobby that might help distract you, or give you a way to get out everything? Sometimes i'll put in a movie, and that'll get me through the night. You're not alone, okay? Everyone here loves you. Even if home isn't the best of place sometimes and even if people close dont seem to care sometimes there will always ALWAYS be people out there that give a damn about you and would drop everything to help you.
I think I'm past talking about it. I've done every distraction and the feeling won't go away. I've been trying really hard to push through but idk how much longer I can go. I just need to feel better. It's been 3 weeks but I feel like I'm about to break it. :/
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I just wanted to say that I'm completely impressed and admire you for deciding to stop. I've wanted to stop so many times, but ended up giving up because you're right, it's SO hard! But I do know it's possible to be free from sh, my addiction sponsor said that the hardest part is the beginning because the urges are super strong but they will go away. One time I went 9 months free from sh and I remember starting to think that sh was weird and didn't make sense to me to do it. Which I thought was awesome! Where I faulted was not keeping up with therapy, thinking I didn't need it anymore. Also, you need a very strong support system during this time. People you can call when you absolutely can't take it anymore. Also, if you like writing, I thought it'd be cool one time to maybe get a journal and each day write in it during my recovery. Then, say it's your 30th day and you feel like giving in to sh, you can look back on how far you've come. And it's totally normal to relapse, it happens. But it's important to realize ALL the times you didn't relapse, all the times you were so close to sh but chose not to. I bet you'll find those far outnumber the times you did sh. Anyway, best of luck! :)
Thank you for your support! It really means a lot to me right now. I'm trying to keep pushing through. It is hard even though I know it will be worth it. I've been writing in the Creative Corner an it's been one of the most helpful things I've done to be honest. And I'm afraid of relapse. I know it's a possibility and I'm trying to fight it right now. Anyway I'm rambling but I wanted to say thank you. :)
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
