The fact that you don't know what to write but still have shows that you do want some support, and therefore still have hope. Your posts are not boring as there is always someone to listen here. You need to find ways to get extra support so you can help yourself through your feelings of self hatred and immersing yourself in thinking about death. You are very much alive and have all the chances now to take steps towards the life that you deserve. Instead of planning negative things try a day of researching ways to get help, eg. more counselling, talking to a doctor, a close friend, email support, helplines etc. There is a life out there, you can start fighting for it. Everyone here is or has been in the same position, and I can honestly say we all deserve to be happy and alive. Take care. Laura. <3
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