I have no right to ask, but...

[Harbour]

I could really do with some support. I feel so close to the edge. I don't know what I want.

[Isoverity]

What are you most upset/concerned about?

[Kyaneos]

Of course you have a right to ask *hug*

Whats going on?

[Harbour]

I want to do something bad. I just want to get rid of his face. I'm a failure and I can't stand being one anymore.

Thank you for replying xx

[Kyaneos]

You arent a failure, Rach, is there anyone you can call right now?

What do you mean by something bad?

[Harbour]

I'm in my bedroom. I can't.

I am, I've got basically no friends and I've not gone to uni. All my friends have graduated. I'm nobody. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Just cut or od. I won't. But argh I want to so badly.

[Kyaneos]

University doesnt define whether a person is a failure or not.

Can you call your gf?

[PolkaDot.]

Sounds like things are tough for you at the moment. Why do you feel like a failure and a nobody? Have you spoken to anyone else about how you feel?

X

[Harbour]

I can't, she's at a friends house and I promised I would be safe.

Like...if someone tells me they haven't gone to uni I don't give a damn. It doesn't define other people but it does define me? It's so stupid.

Because I am nobody. I'm just so tired of the same circle. I don't know how to get out.

I have so much professional support and I'm getting nowhere. I don't know what to do.

[Isoverity]

Its ok yo not know who you are. Most people think they know who they are and don't lol. Only trying circumstances can provide that knowledge so you are on your way. If you've been held back its probably because someone made you doubt yourself, put you down etc. Even your post title seems to suggest you minimize yourself. Making yourself small and others big is learned from someone else and not natural

[Iamtiiired]

I can relate. I feel the same. Tired of the same circle. Hope we'll get out of it someday

[Harbour]

I don't know. I just want out.

Thank you for your replies xx

[PolkaDot.]

Have you broken the circle before?

I'm not sure what kind of support you're recieving (therapy or meds), but have you spoken to the professionals supporting you about considering other methods?

X

[Harbour]

I've never broken the cycle.

Urm I'm under early intervention, I'm having counselling with a charity too. I was recently rejected for funding by panel because there isn't enough money. That would have been for the cassel.

I just want to be pretty and perfect. Sorry. I'm such a moany bitch.

[PolkaDot.]

It's hard to think highly of yourself when you're feeling down.

Sometimes writing things down can help you to understand your emotions a bit better. You mentioned before that 'you want to get rid of his face', do you think you would be able to explain a bit more about that?

X

[Harbour]

I was abused. I don't really say that to anyone. I want to get rid of him. I feel so disgusted.

[Harbour]

I'm going to try and sleep so if I stop replying that's why. Thank you for your support <3

[PolkaDot.]

It seems like you have been very brave to say that. Of course you don't have to share anything you don't want to, but I hope you feel that this is a safe place to talk about your feelings. It's not uncommon for people who have been abused to feel guilt or shame, and all emotions associated with abuse are complex.

Hope you have found some comfort in talking about your feelings. Feel free to PM me any time.

X

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turnski

I was abused. I don't really say that to anyone. I want to get rid of him. I feel so disgusted.

That's a problem right there. The shock of the abuse allows impressions of the abuse to get in and drive thought and feeling. Hating these and yourself and anything (including the abuser) are what keep negative things going. I know it sounds provacative to say don't hate the abuse, abuser etc but hate actually backfires which is a reason bad people do bad things - they want others to hate and fall inside themselves. Look at negative, feelings and thoughts etc but dont identify with them and struggle with them - that makes them worse - like struggling in quicksand or seaweed. Things will burn off if you just observe them objectively. If you hate the abuser enough you can comply out of guilt (that is if still being abused)

[Pi.R^2]

How are you doing now Rachel?

This may seem like an odd questions, but what do you do with your life? Or more importantly, what would you like to be doing?

Hope you're doing ok! Also, I owe you a PM, en route!