Oh honey I am so sorry that things have gotten to the point of you feeling this bad, but I am so proud and grateful that you called the ambulance. I don't have many words right now but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, please hang in there <3
My friend will be able to go over this afternoon for the dog but but before then
Another friend said she'd pick me up when I get out.
I know I need to say the right things so I don't get stuck here but fuckv me I still just want to die. I tell myself to hold on -only 30 days till my brother is home- but everything is overwhelming and my decision making and executive functioning isn't good right now.
Soon yes, they are organizing a taxi. I feel so unsafe I even want to hurt myself here in hospital in trying to avoid the urge but time is dragging on. I've made a gp appointment this arvo and out for dinner so good plans there
Edit: home now
I don't know what t o do with myself. Sarah, I will consider things about uni. I'm seeing my doctor in 1.5 hours so I think I'll read a textbook n bed and map, as I'm still drowsy.
Edit 2: missed doctors appointment despite sing an alarm. But She's squeezing me in the end of her day. Pretty tired.
Last edited by Snow White. : 01-08-2013 at 07:10 AM.
I'm really angry and frustrated with the crisis team. They called and said I should consider admission to hospital and I said I want to see them to discuss it in detail. They said it wasn't really their role and that I should see my psychologist or psychiatrist (both of wish you have to book weeks in advance for, usually).
They said they couldn't help if these attempts were going to be "impulsive attempts at trying to go into cardiac arrest" and so I asked what the point of even seeing them was. She was rude to me and what's more the only time they can come tomorrow is in the morning so I miss out on class already.
I don't know what to do. I had actually considered hospital, I considered going into uni and asking them what would happen if I had a short admission, I considered even using it as a medication change admission but after today but now I think, fuck that. Plus I have to look after my dog. But if they can't visit me while I'm home alone to at least chat to me then what is the point?
I don't understand what the hell I am actually supposed to do?!
Won't someone tell me?!
I really think you should reconsider speaking to uni about taking a short amount of time off and see what they say. They really can be very helpful and supportive.
Can you speak to someone else on the crisis team, someone who might be less of a bitch, to put it nicely? :P
I'm sorry they were so rude to you, I know from experience some of the people that work there can be real arseholes. They are supposed to be there to support you, they should know that you can't just get into your psychologist straight away and should be able to support you until you can. Don't let some idiot make you give up on getting the support you need because you do deserve help to get through this.
Would you like to talk through we us here, what are the pros and cons to considering hospital? Perhaps then we can help you explore your options. Don't give up sweet, you can get through this. I am sorry you had to deal with such an arrogant idiot.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
But what would I do with my time off? I guess that is what I was going to discuss with the uni staff when the possibility of hospital came up but now I think hospital (inpatient) might be an overreaction. Maybe this is all just because I am alone for the week.
That said, if my dad and his gf get back together I'll be alone all weekends too.
And even then, they can't fix this in hospital. They can't fix it out either.
I'm so confused, I really honestly don't know what to do.
Yes, I'll be speaking to the crisis team tomorrow morning when they visit me.
Would you like to talk through we us here, what are the pros and cons to considering hospital? Perhaps then we can help you explore your options. Don't give up sweet, you can get through this. I am sorry you had to deal with such an arrogant idiot.
That might help yes. But now I feel like I am overreacting, cause I'm just sitting calmly in bed. But then last night I was in the emergency department, so I don't know, I guess it's a fluctuating condition.
Maybe I could just see the crisis team until my Dad gets back, but they actually said they didn't think they were the right service for me now which I guess is why I'm feeling helpless.
Your not overreacting by considering hospital, I think it would help keep you safe until you feel that little bit stronger and able to cope. We are here if you want to discuss the pros and cons further.
It annoys me that they say that it isn't the right service for you, they have said that before to me too. I personally think it is a load of crap and just excuse on their part. If it is not the right service they should be linking you in with something else, not just leaving you to your own devices.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
It annoys me that they say that it isn't the right service for you, they have said that before to me too. I personally think it is a load of crap and just excuse on their part. If it is not the right service they should be linking you in with something else, not just leaving you to your own devices.
The Australian Psychological Society code of ethics actually says exactly what you've said here - unfortunately as they are not all psychologists I guess they don't all have to abide by this, but it is a very very good point. Cause it leaves you with a feeling of, if you can't help, who can? Nobody? I'm sorry to hear they've said it to you but thank you for sharing that.
I guess the pros are
safety from harming myself
potential medication change for continued stability
reduced pressure
Whereas the cons are
i'll fall behind in uni
my dad and family will be disappointed and not understand
it will be unlikely i could do my confirmation in august
i might become reliant on the hospital system and not learn to deal with my problems
hospital is a sad and scary and lonely place
i have patches where i am okay so maybe it isn't required
it would need to be next tuesday anyway because nobody is here to care for my dog (by then I may be better)
I guess on that last point it's worth waiting until next week to make a decision, and until then trying to keep safe
And it looks like there are more negatives than positives anyway, so maybe I should get through this by my self.
I just don't know. I feel pretty helpless, maybe I'm trapped in a loop of hopelessness and sadness. I thought I had got out of it and got better. Everything was amazing, I even got a tattoo to symbolise my commitment to life. But then I just crashed.
In my head I know it's 100% university stress. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've admitted it. Maybe 90% uni stress and 10% crushing self doubt about my ability.
I suppose I'll have to see what the crisis team say tomorrow morning.
