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Hopeless
What did I do today? I mostly slept.
What do I do most days? sleep and watch mind rotting TV.
Am I likely to be going anywhere this week. the next, no of course i won't be.
I breathe in and out, Im still existing , i can still think,
My heart is beating, I am alive.
Thats about as good as it gets..
I have little purpose, I feel once more like I am going through the motions, only this time a little bit more pathetic than before because now I feel lost and alone, I ask myself what is the point of staying here? What is the point with carrying on with the CBT, im worried it wont work.
Then there's the medication. Which still doesnt seem to do much i feel much calmer with my anxiety but it feels like the depressions getting worse, my doctor doesnt understand why im not feeling better yet as if im lying or something, all i say is how i feel. how can it be wrong? i resent going to the doctor cause i dont even want to take them because why would you wanna pay for something that doesnt work and your doctor doesnt even care? or well he doesnt seem too he just wants me to shut up, probably thinking im just a whiney lil cow but there we go thats probably what most people think.
I feel such a huge disconnect with the real world right now, it is impossible for me to see myself ever fitting back into it. I feel that every effort I am making to make some money is just a joke and a waste of time, money and effort. I am an emotional, financial and whatever else sponge and it is my guy that takes the weight of it all and that makes me believe ill end up losing him aswell then there will be no reason it seems to be.
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