My cover is gone

[CstarL]

I hid from life for about four years. I hid by having sex with anyone who would hold still. Sex was my life for years, Sex was my form of self harm even though I did not know it at the time. I finally excepted I was a lesbian, after I went through three male sexual partners and one, one nightstand in three years.

I no longer have the sexual urge as I did when I was "straight". I look at my girlfriend like a person and not a sex object. I would say that this is a good thing, but, now that I do not have sex as much as possible, the SH thoughts happen all the time. I do not have a physical urge to SH but, I do have the mental urge.

Part of me wants to try to SH and see if that will make the thoughts slow down or go away. I have read that SH can become an addiction but, I think I would be in full control of my cutting. I have thought about "accidentally" getting burned by a cigarette. I have thought about pulling my hair out. I am not for sure what I will do but could it become an addiction

[AllButWanted]

it can very easily turn into an addiction and its good that you have posted on here for support rather than acting on your urges.
do you feel able to talk to your girlfriend about your thoughts and feelings?
hope your okay

[Lady Vamp]

I always thought I would have control over my cutting because for years I only did it here and there.
But then when things in my life got very stressful I turned to cutting and it VERY quickly became an addiction. I never thought it would.
The need can take over you very quickly, and then it's extremely difficult to stop, and you will have to live with the scars forever.
You're at a point where you can make a decision to find a healthy coping skill...I would go in that direction...something that distracts you and you enjoy.
Regards,
Stef

[crazykat]

It is actually quite common when we stop one form of self-harm to replace it for another. The only way to work towards stopping self-harm is to address the issues that are causing you to self-harm in the first place and to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

You are only fooling yourself though if you believe that you could have full control over your cutting. I know myself I have said I will only cut once and that will be it but it doesn't work that way. Self-harm is an addiction and it isn't that easy to just stop at one cut. I would recommend you have a read of the cutting warning label.

[Tonfedd]

Well done for both posting here before acting on your urges and comming out, I'm so happy for you for being able to finally accept yourself :)
I can't stress how important finding another coping mechanism now because once you go down the road of SH turning back is one of the most difficult things a person can do. Personally I would say self harm addiction is worse than any drug because there is no detox, it's not a chemical that you're fighting against it's yourself and there's no way to flush your system of you.

I would talk to someone you trust about what you're feeling and research other ways of coping.
Take care, hope you're ok.
x