Graphic - I want to but don't want to let her down

[CstarL]

I want to SH to fill my empty life. I want to give myself reason to get up in the morning and to go through the day. SH is something I think about and fantasize about. I do not physically SH at the moment. I do not want to be put into a mental organization. My family has threatened to put me into one and has put me into a state foster house, I believe that this is the first step to a mental ward.

I have a girlfriend and she is my reason for not actively using SH. My GF introduced me to this site and is actively in my life. She understands my SH urges, my GF knows me better then anyone else. I love my GF and do not want to disappoint her but the thoughts about SH are so active that I want to try it and see if I complete the action if the racing thoughts will stop or slow down.

I think about ways to SH that will not concern my GF. I think, I plan, I remember why I should not, and I repeat this cycle over and over.

[PassedExpectations]

i don't think harming can really fill the empty spaces in your life... it could distract you from them, but filling them seems unlikely... anyways, if you've got empty spaces, wouldn't you like to fill them with something good? harming might feel good for a bit, but it doesn't last long, and hurts so many other things...

do you feel like your life is empty because you lost something, or because it was never full to begin with?