si free but wanting it

[mollysaysrecover]

so i'm free of si for a while now
like a few months
i wasnt counting
but i want to do it so badly
i have no control over the thing that's causing me to want this
and i know if i don't tell anybody how i feel i'll end up doing it
which isn't what i want
or maybe it is

[anabelleagain]

I'm going to assume (with you hopefully) that you don't want to SI. I think that's why you've gone months without, why you're looking for support now, and what you feel you can't control what's causing you to want to SI. What is triggering you to SI? How have you avoided it the last months? Why aren't those things as useful now? What other things can you do to distract/avoid? I'm glad you're reaching out for support.

[mollysaysrecover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by anabelleagain

I'm going to assume (with you hopefully) that you don't want to SI. I think that's why you've gone months without, why you're looking for support now, and what you feel you can't control what's causing you to want to SI. What is triggering you to SI? How have you avoided it the last months? Why aren't those things as useful now? What other things can you do to distract/avoid? I'm glad you're reaching out for support.

i do really want to i guess but it's so hot and i don't want to have to cover up so much because it makes me physically ill being so hot.
it seems to petty
but i guess everybody feels like that
someone i care about deeply is away
and i guess they aren't making an effort to keep in touch
they'll tell me a time and i'll be waiting
wasting time waiting for them to come online
whilst they're doing whatever they are doing
and i guess they're leaving me waiting and
i just feel so
so significant
i honestly don't know how i've avoided it for so long
it's just been
impractical i guess
i could write to distract myself i guess
but if i write about my feelings
i end up feeling worse
thanks for replying
it's nice to know that somebody cares
Xx

[AllButWanted]

hey
You've done well not to SH for a while keep thinking of how long you have gone without it. I sometimes think what would I get out of it. Yes there's the release but there's also the negattives about it. You've already said about having to cover up in the heat but also will you feel guilty about it in a few days time?
We are here for your to talk to. I hope you manage to get through this. Remember each hour you get through without doing it is one step closer to recovering.
You said that writing can help. Maybe write something positive. Maybe write a poem about how nice the weather has been.
Hope your okay <3

[PassedExpectations]

im sorry, thats a really sucky situation to be in *hug*

you can't control what they do, but you can control what you do... sometimes when things are hard we start to be really passive about them, letting things happen to us, and if we can start being active, and making things happen, we feel a little more steady... now, the only person you can control is yourself, so it would be a waste of effort to try to change the other person. but in this situation you might do something like send a brief, calm email explaining that you've waited for them so many times and they haven't come on, and how you're feeling, and that you aren't going to wait around more. you could offer to keep up contact via email, and then see what happens, but it would be silly for you to keep waiting for them which makes you feel worse when they don't show up, and also keeps you from doing things which could make you feel better, or more connected to the people around you... i understand that it may hurt a lot to stop waiting for them, but sometimes we've got to let relationships change form or fade away. nothing, especially not relationships, stays constant and unchanging. the worst thing that can happen here is for you to get stuck hanging on for a relationship that never comes back the way you want it to and leaves you missing out on other relationships you could have

[Wonderland.]

Is there anything in particular that has helped you get through the urges whilst you have been free for the past few months?

Perhaps you could try and look back and have a think about that and utilise the techniques you have developed to help you get through these urges.