confused feelings

[Poppers]

This may not make much sense because it's a jumble of thoughts in my head and I'm confused and ashamed and self-loathing and just need to get it out.

I'm 21, I've never had a relationship, I'm fat and ugly and weird and disgusting, I've never had male attention, I won't ever, I have no friends or social life, I'm a hopeless case. A few years ago I started chatting to this bloke online, like long-distance friends, which developed into thinking I had feelings for him, and eventually it was a long distance relationship thing where we said we loved each other, did stuff together, talked about meeting up. Then came the point when I completely freaked out, it was a crazy situation, I was disgusted with myself, I cut all contact. For the next few years I refused to talk about it, pretended it had never happened, thinking about it gave me these weird stress pains in my head.

But now stupidly I have initiated contact again, obviously he's moved on, and I wanted nothing to do with him, and still don't, but I feel really jealous of his now-girlfriend, and waiting for him to reply to me, and I'm getting really confused. I'm thinking it's maybe just the fact that I feel really lonely, and renewing contact has reminded me of this, and the fact that before it was so emotional and connected and I maybe just want that and want attention and affection and stuff which is why I'm getting jealous...

I would really like a relationship but I will never have one, I still live at home and nothing is ever going to change, no one has ever found me attractive, I know I am not attractive, there is no hope.

I don't know, insights? I was really worrying about posting about this but thank god no one knows me on here.

[Aubergine]

I'm 27 and had never been in a relationship before. My self-esteem was shockingly low and I thought no one would ever find me attractive. However, I've recently started seeing a wonderful man who finds me attractive, warts and all. It's early days, but we're happy for the moment.

What makes you think that things will never change? I lived at home until I was 21, when I moved out. People are staying at home later and later these days as the cost of living is so high. You'll move out when the circumstances are right. In the mean time, there's not shame in your situation.

[in a bad way]

Hi
I'm sure you are not as you see yourself. Attractive is not just a surface thing and if someone is that shallow, they're not worth dating anyway.

I dated someone that my friends politely told me was really un-attractive looking. To me he was smart and funny and manly and sweet and had a kind nature. All of those things were attractive to me.

I understand how you feel. I have a big scar on my face and it makes me really insecure, I'm also fat and have bad skin, I could go on.... But when someone falls in love with you, it should be for you.
It doesn't sound like that other relationship was right for you, you showed amazing courage to leave when you realised that. It's just an insecure pang that makes you jealous.

I bet you're more attractive than you think you are. Maybe post your picture on match.com? Not to get into anything serious but just a bit of chat and attention to build your confidence and distract you from feelings about ex.

Or maybe I'm way off here

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx