Betrayed By A Friend

Hannah Montana · 27-05-2013, 08:16 PM

For the past year I've been hopelessly devoted to a guy named Rob at work even though he didn't treat me very well. We were on and off for a very long time and he always told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. Eventually I broke things off. It didn't seem like we were going any where and every time we got together I'd feel awful. I did what I had to do to protect myself.

I have a friend at work named Emily. She was new to the area and I really made an effort to look after her. We became good friends quite quickly and bonded because she was also in a relationship with a work colleague.

Very recently she broke up with her boyfriend and I really supported her. I understood exactly what she was going through as I'd been in a similar situation and I spent a lot of time and energy making sure she was ok.

About 3 weeks ago she told me that her and Rob had gotten quite close and had developed feelings for one another. After speaking to them both it has become clear that they'll get together.

Naturally I reacted badly and had an awful relapse. More than anyone she knew how much I felt about him and that I wasn't completely over him. I feel completely betrayed and devastated that I've lost a friend. Every time I go into work I have to see them.. It's such a nightmare.

I can't seem to get over this hurt. I've been drinking a lot to blot the pain and keep going over the details in my mind. I have a dull ache in my chest that won't go away and I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face but it's so difficult.

I just can't understand why a friend would do this to me. My friends truly mean everything to me. I could never make anyone else feel this bad, particularly someone I cared about.

I need some reassurance that this pain will go away in time, that I'll stop being angry and learn to forgive or at least not care anymore. I don't know what to do.. does anyone have any thoughts?

Accidentally Abstract · 27-05-2013, 10:09 PM

Hiya,

I'm really sorry to hear about what's happened at work - that sounds really hard to deal with, especially when it's being rubbed in your face all the time. It's no wonder you feel betrayed.

Are there other people who you get on with at work who you could perhaps focus on getting to know instead? Maybe that could prove to be a good distraction and to show them that you're not going to be broken down by the situation and are going to carry on.

As for things getting easier, they will. It might not seem like it at the moment but it will ease and you will no doubt find someone else who you like and who will like you back and treat you better. :)

Take care.

Lucy

property · 28-05-2013, 12:11 PM

I wish I could say words to make it better.
But I can't empathise so much, I don't work with my colleagues anymore, but I stopped making the effort so much to contact them because it hurt so much.

PassedExpectations · 28-05-2013, 02:37 PM

can you work a different shift for a little while?

this will get better, and the feelings will lessen. feelings can hurt you unless you let them though. you don't need to harm or drink to avoid a feeling, it will just be there again once the delay ends. let yourself experience the feeling and not act on it.

would you feel comfortable calmly talking to Emily about how you are feeling? don't put things as "its your fault i'm feeling this way" rather just try to understand what was going through her mind, as i bet she really didn't intend to hurt you...

Hannah Montana · 28-05-2013, 06:38 PM

Hey, thanks for replying guys :) I'm feeling a little better today.

Its a nine to five unfortunately so I'll have to stick with it until I can find a new job.

Luckily, I get on with quite a lot of people at work and tend to be in charge of organising social events. You can imagine that this has put me in quite a difficult position as I still have to invite her to things even though we're not really talking.

I don't want anyone to take 'sides' but it sucks because I don't think it would be very professional to bad mouth her to everyone at work but I want my friends to know what I'm going through. When Emily broke up with her former bf (another work colleague!) we all rallied around her. No one has done that for me because I'd rather keep it quiet.

I feel like i'm protecting her and she just really doesn't deserve it.

I have talked to Emily and I think that we're probably going to have to talk again at some point because she keeps emailing me. Right now, I just want to get on with things and try to heal.