Okay, this is going to be a pretty trivial stupid question, but see I've been super proud of being 3 months SH free, but I feel kind of guilty at the same time because I DID hurt myself... so technically it's not true... I just didn't do my "usual way" and it wasn't "that bad"... does it still count?
Usually when I slip up I take that chance to continue for a while until I get the courage to try again. I'm afraid if someone says "it counts" I'm going to just dive right back in!
So I duno, I guess what I'm saying is "please lie to me and make me feel better"?
I know it's difficult, but part of recovery is being honest with yourself even when times are hard. I think a good way of being honest is sort of thinking, well if my friend came to me and shown me what he/she had done asking if it counted, how would I respond? And that way it's easier to be honest with yourself.
But even if what you did was a slip-up (if it was intentional, then it kind of is) there's no reason to get down on yourself about it, because the point is you're trying really hard and you've managed to go without your usual methods which is a really difficult thing to do, so well done for that you should be so proud of yourself. ^_^ No one I know has ever recovered without slip-ups, it's all just part of letting go, you just need to remember they aren't failures so long as you pick yourself up and try twice as hard to keep going and moving forward next time :) it sounds like it took a lot to get to this three month mark, so it definitely counts as valid recovery time - you should be so proud of yourself and it will only get better so long as you keep trying and staying strong. ^_^ xxx
"There's no such thing as perfect. You're beautiful as you are Courage. With all your imperfections, you can do anything."
ultimately you've got to decide for yourself... having that one slip up isn't something that should take away your pride though. you've still done a ton of work and made great progress. perhaps rather than thinking about recovery as a length of time you've gone without cutting, you could think of it as a percentage of times that you've cut when you had the urge. so if you had 4 urges, and cut 1 time, that would be 25%... now, i'm betting since those three months ago, you've beat an awful lot of urges, say, 1 urge a day (that might be high or low, i don't really know, but it will work for now)... that means you gave in to 1 out of 90 urges, or 1.1% of all the urges you've had, and that you beat 98.8% of the urges you've had since trying to recover... thats pretty impressive the way i look at it...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I really relate to where you are coming from.
Personally whilst i have not cut in a long time i have self harmed in other ways.
And technically i have self harmed in 'less worse ways' (not that there is a less worse way but you get me).
In that sense i separate the two. they are two different battles, but for the minute i am only fighting one so i personally dont count it as a screw up and i am still making progress with it.
I see the other SH kind of as another level higher, that i will fight once i have fought the first one. Sorry i really am talking in terms of like a war here, but i cant explain it otherwise!
Don't use it as an excuse to slip right back, thats just the addiction of it all talking.
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
Thanks everyone for your honest opinions (even though I asked for lies haha). I kina figured it "counted", and deep down I know that it shouldn't really matter because it was just a little slip up and doesn't mean I'm stopping recovery... but yeah, like DontLookUp said, it's the addiction talking. I have this little voice that says "what's the point in trying? You already hurt yourself, might as well take this chance to enjoy it for a while". Meanwhile, an even smaller voice keeps trying to yell through some logic to me that I'm still working my butt off trying to overcome this, and slipping up is a part of the process...
I have my counseling appointment tonight, so I'm hoping I can get a lot of these pent up feelings off my chest for a while.
