Hi Sophia thank you. Due to the length of time of my restriction medical risk is an issue as well as PTSD and emetaphobia. My mum says my face s puffy and I have never known it completely disappear but I'm so ashamed of it and the fat. It's just an informal chat I doubt they will be able to help but you never know. Lottybear step up focuses on improving quality of life without going the whole hog it's designed for chronics really. Fingers crossed I will hear xx
I'm meant to meet up with people tomorrow but I feel so ashamed I don't want them to see my fat and laugh.
Dude, you're meeting up with a bunch of eating disordered people. Even if you were fat,we'd be far too busy worrying about looking fat ourselves to notice :P
Dude, you're meeting up with a bunch of eating disordered people. Even if you were fat,we'd be far too busy worrying about looking fat ourselves to notice :P
Exactly! And btw what is wrong with being fat? Would you feel any worse than you do know if you were truly morbidly, bed bound obese??
I'm a fan of an artist who is obese and her recent work is photos of herself in public with other's reactions (behind her back). It made me feel ashamed that as a society we judge others by their size and it has made me question my assumptions about being fat/thin. I don't know, maybe you're not well enough to think about that stuff. But anyway, thought I'd put it out there.
I'm so sorry this so on the fly as rushing out he door to meetrelativefrom across the pond. I'm so sorry Jenna I panicked I didn't want to be late for my relatives and I'm such a flid as my legs are agony walking hurts I have to keep stopping I'm pathetic. It's such a shame people from America are like buses none for ages then they all come up at once! I feel so ashamed and guilty and fat. I don't know the people from step up will be calling and it's so real I'm scared. I let everyone down I'm so sorry xx
Rushing about can be very stressful but Jess, remember to breathe! It's okay to run out of time and rush about and you aren't pathetic. Heck, I'm pretty much rushing all the time and constantly forget things and you wouldn't say that I was pathetic, would you?
As said before, people are self-conscious anyway, generally, and will more likely be worrying about what they look like, as opposed to what you look like. Think about it, do you go about your business and judge everyone according to what size they are? What would you say to someone who was fat? Would you criticise them like you do yourself? I am assuming you wouldn't, so why is it okay to treat yourself like this but not someone else?
Thanks guys just so disappointed I missed people from here. I feel so fat I want to tear myself to pieces. I'm in agony with my legs and they are weak and shaky all at once. Hate myself for being pathetic when it could be worse so much worse. It was hard seeing relatives I'm the black sheep and failure in my family so pretending its all ok is tough. I'm a fat prat I know I wouldn't judge others but the shame takes my breathe away. Sorry I appreciate your support as always xx
You missed seeing people from here? Don't worry about it, Jess. There'll be opportunities to see people again. You live in London anyway! That's like the central point to lots of meets so I'm sure there'll be another chance!
Stop beating yourself up about what you should be or what you could be. The fact is, you're in the place you are right now and you should embrace that and try to accept it. You can't be anybody other than yourself, it's impossible, and you shouldn't try to. We like you for who you are and we keep supporting you. Why not try to see that as us caring about you and for you? I couldn't care less if you were fat or not because you are a person are more important than that.
How do you know that the people you were meant to be meeting don't like you much anyway? Would you have been accepted to meet them if they didn't like you? Personally, I wouldn't agree to meet with somebody that I didn't like because that would be a waste of their time and mine. No, not everyone can get on but that doesn't mean that people don't like you. Sometimes we have different opinions and ideas but that doesn't mean that people dislike you for disagreeing with them. You're allowed to have your own mind.
I'm sure that you didn't let anyone down. Your friends won't judge you for that. If they're good friends, they'll agree to meet again and won't think anything of the last time. Sometimes life is a bit inconvenient and gets in the way.
Isnt it a bit mean to say you were supposed to be meeting up with people that dont really like you?Im sure youre in a bad place and such but it cant be nice for them to be reading this :/
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Griddlebone I meant that I feel pretty much everyone hates me right now and that was an extension of this. Or the other way around. Truly sorry to anyone who might have read this.
Jess, hates you. What's made you think that? Do you think that perhaps this is another way of your ED manifesting; you projecting your self-hate onto others? I'm sure that everyone cares about you very much, even if you find it difficult to care for yourself.
How are things going ED-wise right now?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Hi Sophi I'm sorry I'm fat bitch. I just feel everyone hates me and it came out all wrong. I want to say I'm sorry and can we be friends but its just pathetic! I really want to fit in and I don't. I'm waiting to hear from step up for an informal chat but I will probably be rejected because my mum doesn't want to refeed at home which means because of the misunderstanding with my friend I couldn't go to their ward so I have to ask to go elsewhere but I doubt it's possible and I'm too fat anyway. Broke a ton of ed rules over the last three days and now I just have to wait and see. I suppose I've fallen back into restricting but I still feel I'm having too much. I'm so sorry I hope you are ok xx
Jess, you a not fat, a bitch, or pathetic. None of those words describe you. You may feel those words, but that doesn't make any of them true. People don't hate you.
Why doesn't your mum want to do the refeed at home? Would you be able to do it by yourself at home? If by breaking ED rules you mean looking after your body and trying to recover, than that is a very good thing.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Hi Sophia I just felt so awful about everything. No if I could feed myself I would have and the real concern are the physical risks of refeeding have restricted in the way that I have and for the length of time. I just feel so fat and hopeless right now. I do realise things could much worse and I shouldn't complain I'm so sorry x
So scared and low and fat and inferior! Going to pups tonight and the other girl is talking I haven't yet been brave enough to speak in front of all the owners. I hate myself for being so pathetic. I'm sure they think I'm useless the anxiety is crippling I can feel myself getting fatter in front of everyone. I just FAIL. I don't expect to hear from step up either. It's making me so nervous. Sorry to post x
