feeling really alone lately

brokenbutterflies · 01-03-2013, 02:05 AM

so ive been feeling really alone lately. I lost all my friends in 8th grade (im in 10th now), when i got expelled. I got completely rejected. no one even wanted to look at me anymore. My friends' parents would go to great extents to make sure that my friends wouldnt have the chance to see me. My church kicked me out. I didnt mean what i said to that girl. I didnt think it would get me expelled. She was my best friend, i would never in a million years think of hurting her. But everyone didnt care. All that mattered to them, was i was a horrible person...i am a horrible person.

I havent been able to make many friends since them, im so afraid to be rejected again. But not having friends, makes my days so lonely. I hate it, but im to afraid to make friends. No one would want to be my friend anyway. Im such a piece of s***.

I dont know why i posted this actuall, i guess i just wanted to get it out. i havent actually talked about 8th grade since it happened. it brings back so many memories. But i know i need to face them someday, why not today?

thanks for reading xx

Swimmercurls · 01-03-2013, 05:47 AM

You are not a horrible person. You are human. And we, it seems, are the most human of the race.

Between Two Lungs · 01-03-2013, 07:58 AM

I can relate to a lot of what you said, and I feel for you. I can't imagine how hard that has been to go through.

I don't have much advice, but just wanted to say hang in there. I know it must be really awful now, but hold onto hope. You are not a horrible person, it seems to me you made a mistake and you know that, but don't punish yourself anymore for it because you are human, we all make mistakes.

Try to take it slow when making friends again, they don't even have to be friends, try acquaintance! :) I've found making light conversation with other people in class or if we're in a line waiting helps me to feel more connected with people. It can seem really scary but once you take that leap, you may find yourself talking about all sorts of things. But yeah. Take it slow. You don't have to commit to talking to or seeing them everyday.

If the opportunity to make friends arises, while it can be really hard to trust them, do try to take the opportunity and just take it at your own pace.

I can imagine that what has happened has really lowered how you feel about yourself, but try to remember that - it is something in the past that has happened to make you feel like this, it doesn't mean you're a horrible person. In fact, generally people who think they are horrible or bad aren't - they're just way too hard on themselves. People who aren't so nice, can't admit to that and are ignorant of their faults.

And there is a lovely little quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve."
So I guess the same goes with friends. The more open you are and the more you believe you deserve friends, the more likely people are going to want to get to know you.

Hang in there. Lonely days are really tough. I spent a few years like how you've described and am only just beginning to make friends again. It is possible. :)

Oh, and it's okay to grieve about what happened in year 8 - let yourself feel angry or sad, anything, letting it out, and definitely talking about it, may not make the pain totally go away, but it will help you to cope with it and eventually move on. :)

Hope this helps in some way, sorry it's so long!
Take care. x

PassedExpectations · 04-03-2013, 10:15 PM

how are you doing? what Between said was right on, i agree completely

brokenbutterflies · 04-03-2013, 11:08 PM

Im trying to hang in there, thank you.
and thank you between and swimmercurls youve helped a lot
Ive been trying to start to talk to people on facebook or something, so that its slightly easier to talk to them in person, and that seems to be helping a little. and i made small talk with this girl in history a few days ago, which i know doesnt seem like much, but its a big deal for me.

Between Two Lungs · 05-03-2013, 10:08 AM

That's awesome - to talk to people on FB in itself can be difficult but really great idea to make it easier for when you talk to them in person (may nab this idea!). And a huge well done for making small talk. Hopefully the more you practice, the more naturally it will come.

You're doing really well. Be really proud of what you've been able to achieve, I acknowledge it would've been really difficult, but the fact you have been able to do these things actually helps inspire and give me hope for myself. :)

Keep going, you're doing great at taking it slow and in small steps and that's the best way to go.
Take care. x