How i feel (just need to let it out somehow..) i dont know
I'm not really any good at writing down how i feel as such. But i thought i'd give it a go because everything just seems to be getting harder, not easier. There's something empty inside me, and no matter how hard i concentrate on how my life's changing and getting better, to feel better i still don't.
One minute i'm so fucking chilled, you know? And the next i'm angry and sad and hopeless and useless and i fall to pieces every time i see a glimpse of what it could be like to feel ok, and it's gone.
Everything is slow yet so fast. How can you make good memories when you feel sad. I'm not sure anyone understands me, and that's ok because i don't want to be understood, i just want a tiny piece of happiness, one little shred of hope for the future. My future.
I just want to feel like i stand a chance against this world that always seems to go wrong.
There's so much i do to try and just forget it you know and just be. Music, The outdoors, Keeping to myself, Being with people, Talking to my partner, Not talking, Forgetting, Hoping, but every time Failing..
I know life's hard, i know you work for the thing to make you happy. I've tried not trying to make myself happy, sometimes you can look so much for something and it's right in front of you, but not this , not this time.
I'm giving life everything i have and it just seems to be sucking itself out of me.
What do you do?
Sometimes i think it's me, everything i do, say, feel is wrong because nothing ever changes it always goes back to this.
I should be happy, but why aren't i?
Sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment. It's good you were able to make this thread. It sounds like you're working really hard to try to feel okay, especially with all of the distractions. Do you know what it is that makes you feel angry at times? Is it just because you don't feel happy, or is it related to anything that is going on for you or happened that makes you feel angry and sad etc? Just wondering if there's something at the root of why you are struggling so much. Does anyone know that you are finding things difficult? Keep writing here if it's helping to get it all out.
Thank-you for the reply. Right now i don't really know why, or what, all i know is that i know I've been through a lot in life. I'm trying to leave the past where it belongs, i guess the past is upsetting but it's ok because i mean i think i'm a good person, i just don't understand why. There are many people out there with a lot of way bigger problems in life than me... really apprichiate the support i'm not to great at saying how i feel today i guess... *hugs* xx
I think that sometimes we can feel such an overwhelming sadness that overshadows any traces of happiness that we may feel. Sometimes it can be hard to put that into words and explore your feelings, meaning that the feelings are confusing and consequently, darker and more unrefined. When you are feeling the way you feel, it can seem impossible to find a way out and when you don't think you can escape or feel better, it's hard to focus upon the good times.
Interestingly, although you can think positively and you can change your mindset, you don't 'make' the happiness in itself. Happiness is like an energy, if that makes sense, and it cannot be created or destroyed, just hidden. If you look at happines in that way, you might feel a little less lost when happiness doesn't seem to be present in your life. As you said, there are things that make you happy such as being with people and your partner and it's important to concentrate on those times. Perhaps you could make a 'happy book' with nice things people have said to you, photos of times you've enjoyed and people that mean a lot, positive quotes, things that make you smile. I made one and look at it infrequently, so that when I do, it can boost my mood more spontaneously.
I think happiness is a lot to do with perception. For example, it can make me feel happy if I smile at someone in the street and they smile back. It can make me feel happy when I dance. Perhaps you could write down something positive everyday and look over it and that might make you smile. It can be the smallest thing to the largest and if you wanted to write more, you needn't, just try to write something everyday.
You say that things in the past have upset you but that you know that you're a good person. Hold onto the fact that you are a good person because you are. Don't let that become distorted. Maybe you could consider ways to express the things in the past as it might be that they're bringing your mood down on both a conscious and subconscious level.
bad things happen to good people, (and good things happen to bad people)... thats just how it is... i spent a ton of time wondering "why me?' and honestly it didn't help me at all. the only way i could figure it out at the time was to say "well, i must be bad and not know it" which just made things worse, and was absolutely not true. now i just think that everyone has their own struggles (and if they haven't yet, it will come eventually) and this is mine. i didn't choose it, but i can choose what i do about it. and it sounds like you are making good choices. i do think that it will pay off if you give it time... it did for me. one other thing i had to realize was that i'm never going to be happy all the time. once i lowered my expectations to a reasonable level, it became easier to meet my "happiness goal" and feel satisfied. that said, i'm never going to give up working to be happier, but i know that realistically perfect happiness isn't going to happen, and that makes it easier to not beat up on myself when i am unhappy, and not see unhappiness as a personal failing
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank - you all so much, everything makes a lot more sense now, i feel like you all really understand what im going through, im going to try out those idea as they sound really lovely :) felt really rubbish when i came on here and now i feel a bit cheered up already after reading this, because finally i feel like someone understands, and that everything i want is in reach somewhere..
as well Im just really scared thats my lifes vanishing before me, when all i want to do is make the very most and best of it .
I really cannot thank you all enough, im glad i finally found it in me to talk for once because i dont feel so alone now.
*big hugs for you all*
