I have a quite steady long term relationship with my boyfriend, it has been about 3 years now. When we started going out I had just started uni, found it tough and went through some bad times. Then things got a bit better, I stopped cutting and life seemed okay. But this year has been tough, the depression has come back strong and I am finding myself thinking about cutting all of the time. I cant get it out of my head.
My boyfriend knows about my past, and knows im struggling right now, but he gets really upset if I cut.
I want to slip back into my old ways so badly, and I have slipped up twice now in 2 days. And I dont want to stop. He will eventually see them and he wont like it, but right now its what I need.
This is quite along winded way of saying, for people in a relationship who self harm, how to you and your partner deal with it?
I have never been in this situation but I think communication is key. Let your boyfriend know how you are feeling - it will probably upset him more finding out what has happened when you've already slipped back into the self harming and are struggling without him knowing, rather than struggling and being able to be there for you.
Is there anything that has brought the self harm urges back to you?
DILLIGAF
"it’s when you’re acting selflessly, that you are at your bravest"
- Four.
♥
I've been with my boyfriend on and off 10 years now (more on than off so we're still counting the years lol). I've self harmed for 12, so he's been through a LOT of it with me. At first I always tried to hide it, I felt so ashamed and didn't want to hurt him. It never worked, he always found out.
I don't think the pain for him is any less than it use to be, but he understands it better and I am ALWAYS honest about it with him now. Honesty has been the key for us. It's not always easy, and my initial reaction is STILL to hide it, but I don't. I tell him every time. It helps us, as it relieves the tension and distrust that the dishonesty brought. Now it still sucks, and we're still working through it but it just seems easier to get through with less dramatics of him 'finding out'.
I hope things get better for you, stay strong *hugs*
He'll probably be more upset you haven't told him than at the actual act (although he might not like that either)
You need to talk to him at some point, it'll work better than ignoring it.
There will always be a happy ending. If its not happy then its not yet the end.
I've been with my hubby do 6 years now. Most of that I was able to control my cutting so it didnt affect him. Recently in the last year I've been struggling. It's hard but I think it hurts him more when I don't even try to let him help do anything about it. I think he just wants me to talk to him first, I know it's hard especially when you just Want to cut and no one to stop you, but he ares and be doesn't want you to hurt. Be honest is what I can say, be gentle as well. Please take care.
Is there some meaning to this life?What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence do we come, where are we bound? These cold questions echo and resound through each day, each lonely night.
We long to find the splendid light that will cast a revelatory beam
upon the meaning of the human dream.
If you ever need anything I am only a message away
I told him last night. He said something along the lines of "I get that your depressed, but cutting is stupid", I said its been in my head constantly and I need it, he said "no you dont". Because after cutting I had felt slightly better, he must have picked up on this at the time, because he said "I knew you couldnt have felt better by yourself"
He says he wants me to talk about things with him, and i try, i really do, but I just dont think he understands, or is trying to see it from my perspective.
Last edited by EMH : 05-02-2013 at 12:37 PM.
Reason: wanted to add something else
Could you Try to have him talk to one of the professionals ou see if you do. My psych recommended my hubby join us a few times when I started struggling to help explain things to him. It helped a bit to have somebody like a doctor on my side describing kinda why I think/act the way I do. Also could you maybe point him towards here or any other website that has SH support and tips and such. I'm sorry it didn't go as well as you wanted, but it sounds like he just may not know how to deal with the SH yet. Hope it gets better, if you need anything I'm here.
Is there some meaning to this life?What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence do we come, where are we bound? These cold questions echo and resound through each day, each lonely night.
We long to find the splendid light that will cast a revelatory beam
upon the meaning of the human dream.
If you ever need anything I am only a message away
