But you are essentially saying that you don't think people should be allowed to post stuff that you don't like? So it's not really for us all, it's just for people and things you approve of.
Not at all. It's about consensus. I know I'm not the only one to feel and think the way I do. That's the way most of what can/can't be posted has been decided, I think. I would love to say some things, but can't because it goes against the rules.
For me my main "issue" with RYL is that "popular" members (and I am not talking QK or any other group here, more individuals) get more replies to support threads.
I don't much care what goes on in GC, spam or not so long as its not hurting/mocking anyone. But I do think it must hurt sometimes for your thread to get no replies, or just one person repeatedly replying, and another support thread to get several pages. It also kind of puts more pressure on that one person to keep replying than if there's a few replies.
I know to some extent it is natural. And I know that I personally need to make more effort at this too, as I'm far more likely to reply to threads of people I know, just because even if I have no advice, I will want to leave hugs and support. Whereas other threads I don't always know what to say, or have no practical advice to give so I don't say anything. I suspect though that most people, me included, could formulate some kind of helpful reply to most threads.
And so maybe everyone can make more effort to reply to threads when they feel able regardless of who has posted them? Some people are already doing this I know.
I've also sometimes thought that "serious" threads can sometimes once the initial crisis has past become more chatty and I'm not always sure if this is a good thing or not. For me personally if I post in serious it's because I'm in a lot of distress, and once that distress has waned a bit I would most likely let the serious thread die and perhaps start a new thread in general or mental health or wherever it fits best looking at ways to move forward. I don't know if others find this a problem though.
There are also some lovely lovely members who I have noticed consistently offer a lot of support so a huge thank you to them.
I've also sometimes thought that "serious" threads can sometimes once the initial crisis has past become more chatty and I'm not always sure if this is a good thing or not. For me personally if I post in serious it's because I'm in a lot of distress, and once that distress has waned a bit I would most likely let the serious thread die and perhaps start a new thread in general or mental health or wherever it fits best looking at ways to move forward. I don't know if others find this a problem though.
I don't like this because it does take away from other threads on the support boards from people who actively need help with a problem.
I think the spam has gotten much better on the general boards. If people still think that it is a problem, then the best solution really would be if people want to post spam and memes than that should all go in fun and distractions, not general chat.
I haven't posted in here yet as I've been reading this thread on my way to and from work so I apologise if I talk about something from earlier - I just haven't had time to put my two cents in.
I just want to say that I love that everyone is having an adult discussion and getting everything in the open and explaining how they feel about things. I don't mean this in a patronising way at all (sorry if it sounds that way though!)
One of the things that does annoy me is the spam. Personally I feel that the spam threads, such as the one on GC/the chatty chat thread such be in Fun and Distractions as essentially that's what they are and where 'room' threads have been in the past where there's been a group who post a lot (for example a few years ago we had the MCR lovers thread which was a 'clique' - and I was a part of - but that was in Fun and Distractions) which is where I would kind of expect that type of thread.
Now don't get me wrong - I like memes - but not all the time and post after post of them as response to threads is annoying (I admit I have done it in the past but not as excessive as it has been recently). I think there is a time and a place for them.
I'm not annoyed with spam/memes/In jokes in General Char as much as I am when it spreads in to the support boards. I understand that you might be replying to a friend or such who will understand the meme or joke or whatever but I don't think it's appropriate there. It has its place for it and that place is not the support forums. It could also discourage new members from posting or asking for support when they see the spam/memes/in jokes in the support forums as they might think the same thing will happen to their support thread. I know it more than likely wont turn out like that but it could seem like that to someone who isn't that well aquatinted with RYL and the kind of humour or such that members have.
I do agree its annoying when a 'popular/well known' member of a group/clique/RYL gets more replies/hugs and a new or less known member gets a few at best. I can see how that would make someone feel - like they were less important - for lack of a better word - than others and that could discourage them from posting in that forum/at all in the future as they might see there no point because they won't get a response. This could also stop them from posting in longer/group threads when they see a popular or more well known member has posted in that thread so they might automatically assume - because of what they have seen around forums - that there post will be overlooked in favour of other posts/members. I know this wouldn't be how it would be but that's how it could come across. So I think we could benefit if we make sure we try and reply to threads which haven't got that many responses rather than going straight to posts from people we know or have a few replies already. I lone I haven't beeen doing this as such but it's something I've been thinking about (plus the previous thread in GC in the recent few days about rude posts has just got me thinking about things!)
With PRing - unless it's blatant rule breaking that I'm always not too sure whether to report something or not because I don't want to seem like I'm beig silly about something small or whatever. (My brain fails me for words tonight!)
There was some other things that I wanted to say but I forgot what it was! Plus I'm replying to this on my phone and its annoying me so ill return when I go on my laptop later and can remember what I wanted to post (it was something about QK but I can't remember what, and I know that the conversation has moved on since then, but as I said I've been at work all day so only just had chance to read and reply to this thread.)
Last edited by GlitterTrashDoll : 27-01-2013 at 08:54 PM.
DILLIGAF
"it’s when you’re acting selflessly, that you are at your bravest"
- Four.
♥
But, aside from this, I can't see any problem. As long as people remain respectful, everyone should have a choice in how they interact with the site. Thousands of people must register to RYL and lurk, and that is their choice. If others want to post frequently, meet in real life and make RYL somewhere to socialise as well as seek support, then so be it.
(emphasis added)
I wholeheartedly agree! Thank you for posting this.
Thus far the discussion has seemed mostly one-directional 'please think/change your posting habits' so I was very happy to see this crop up, and I think it is a REALLY important point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whirlpools
Basically I really relate to this point, and as someone who isn't part of any group or clique, need to recognise my own part in that. I don't think I've ever got the feeling that I would be unwelcome if I were to try and engage in any RYL group, but for my own reasons which aren't specific to RYL but rather my whole way of interacting with people, I haven't made the effort.
So what I am, perhaps contentiously, saying, is that I don't think it's just up to the 'cliques' (hate that word, but you know what I mean) to work to involve people who aren't involved, but up to those people themselves to pluck up the courage to interact.
This to me is about respect, and I sense Tiff alluded to a similar thing earlier. It's respectful I feel because it takes into account both parties, as it were. The 'clique' but also the person finding it uncomfortable/annoying. I think its particularly relevant as many have expressed not being upset by this, or not knowing what it was even about, so maybe its not as global as this thread portrays it.
I used to post for my own support, but I don't anymore as I don't feel that I will get replies.... There does seem to be a higher reply rate for some people. That's my feeling though and others may feel very differently about it. There are always going to be people who are more popular, unfortunately that is the way of life.
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
If it helps, I also feel bad because I just cannot like and think and join in the way you guys do - I feel like I'm one of the only ones who doesn't appreciate your sense of humour and things. I'm sorry that no one else has bothered to input on anything and it's been you and Lana explaining things, because that's not entirely fair.
I tried to explain things. And found 'no one else has bothered' a bit rude as that implies people have read and just not bothered replying whereas this is probably not the case. But its like you mentioned, we cannot get tone and other non-verbal cues from text which can be a bit confusing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snailonvalium
You can't stop people making friends with other people,I've made friends with people on another board irl,the difference seems to be that on that board people don't care about there being groups of people who post and reply to each other because any new person is welcomed(or old person)...there is no bitching and rarely any drama.
Probably why spend more time there,than here.
I actually kind of agree with what you said here and I think the perhaps what you are saying isn't comig across how its meant hence people getting a bit stressy in responses!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijahbear
Must've missed that but I've read the thread and still have no idea. Sounds like some weird organization... why not just be friends? No need to name things... naming things and making them out to be this big secret thing is what makes people feel excluded and bitter I think...
On FB you have to give a group a name. To be fair, the idea of a secret is that people don't need to know about it and granted it doesn't always work that way... I don't think anyone has made it out to be a 'big secret thing'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigmike
Not the entire board but the threads you don't like. I'm not being defensive and angry, i'm actually in a very happy mood right now, Was just trying to get my point across as it was asked for as i'm one of the 'worst offenders'.
I'll take a look at how i'm posting, the past few days i've recived quite a few hate messages regarding this so I must be doing something wrong and I will look at myself.
Mike, I must say I don't tend to read threads in GC where I guess you spam most but I know that you are one of the most supportive members on the site and that you try and make people feel welcome so actually I for one think you should carry on as you are!
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrelspit
I had wondered about this! i thought it was a whatsit where the letters stand for words.
My favourite i came up with was
Because
Uber
Fat
Females
Eat
Treats
I dont think i have a particular group here. And im glad this conversation is helping people, however,i dont think i have much else to add as it is reading in a slightly 'us against them' kind of way, and i dislike that when so many of the people posting are dealing with so much **** in their personal lives.
Is it an acrostic? I think thats the word! :p Either way its beautiful! I also enjoy your wisdom about people dealing **** in personal lives.... I think often in heat of moment people forget that!!
I don't think I have anything else to add at the moment!
I haven't read this whole thread because it's long (I'll go back & have a read later though). I've been around RYL quite a while, I'm online a fair bit although not really active so I wanted to give a kind of outside perspective.
It seems like 'in-jokes' are a big issue. It reminds me of school really, there were people I was friends with and two of them had these 'in-jokes' and particular interests that no one else liked but they talked about it constantly. If any of you seen it happening at the lunch table in school you would probably think that it was rude and feel left out. On the other hand those people just happened to be really interested and excited about certain things and most likely would have been happy to explain about it more and probably wished that the others would take more interest in the things they liked.
This website has gotten so big that it's really going to be impossible to prevent some people feeling left out. The people who are in groups with people they are comfortable with need to try and reach out to people who might be a bit quieter or maybe new members trying to find their place on the site. The people feeling left out need to learn to make more of an effort to talk to others. I think it's something that many members on here need to learn to do in real life also, people wont include you if you sit in a corner and don't talk. You will not be included if you come onto a website and don't post.
I don't think anyone is intending to upset anyone else. But it's pretty simple, if you want to be included well then include yourself in the conversation, join in. If you don't want to feel like you are excluding other people then maybe save the jokes for times when you are just chatting with those people, or threads relevant to those people, but not like every thread - but also don't then decide to only post in certain threads where you talk to those friends, make an effort to expand a bit too & talk to other people. It takes an effort from both sides instead of just complaining.
Also, from a support thread point of vie where people don't feel supported. Maybe for every support response you make to a friend you could try making one for someone you don't know so well. Also, if you don't have many friends, try offering some support and maybe you will make some.
I am of the minority opinion that most, if not all, threads over 1000 pages need to be killed with fire. I can't think of one positive thing that has come out most of these super threads. They often are hotbeds of groupthink, self appointed leaders, bullying, railroading, and in-jokes that the group thinks need to be spread to every thread on the boards (They don't).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crysainta
I don't think this thread will end up going anywhere, but kudos to you for trying to be helpful. I think generally people on RYL would be better off if they spent far less time on RYL. People get so emotionally invested in this website it is sick and twisted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by griddlebone
As someone whos been here for like....8 years (as has crys) its easy to tell! Its not a judgement....if you want to spend your life here thats your decision,but it isnt healthy....just like its not healthy to revolve your life around any one thing.
QFT. It would pay off if a segment of the "power users" of RYL spend part of the time they would be on this site doing something irl.
(Source: The amount of time I spend on the internet and my general happiness are inversely proportional)
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
I disagree completely about the benefit of threads with a lot of pages. I know when I was at uni and had a panic about exams or something it helped enormously to go into the uni student thread (just one example) and share my concerns and be encouraged.
I often do the same by popping into the big comfy couch for example. I am not frequent in either of these threads but always get support for brief things that would not require their own thread.
So, there is one positive thing for you.
And Tom unless you know what the real-life lives are like of that so called power group I actually think that is an unfair assumption. Unlike you, I, Crys and Liv (all whom have been or are moderators), this website is social and, I expect, tied in with people from real life (and not a place you have to be on guard in case you need to mod, or filled with responsibility). But even if not, I just feel that is a strong judgement about people when you don't actually know what their lives entail.
I'm gonna lie and said that I read all of those many pages since I last posted thoroughly. I didn't. Too many words make my brain hurt.
My feelings on this are that it is a good disscussion to be having and I hope that people can talk on board what everyone is saying and continue to be adult about it. I also agree lots with Tiff* and Liv and Charleh but not because they are awesome (okay, that's a lie too) and they have managed to say anything and everything that I would try too and fail miserably at saying.
I would also like to add that if anyone has a problem with anything I say, please PM me as it is very likely that I meant it in an entirely different way and was probably not even talking about what you thought I was. Again with the I AM A NICE PERSON thing.
I don't really have more too add but yeah.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I'm teetering slightly in agreement with Tom about mega threads. On all the forums I've been on, I've never seen so many! I've always felt too intimidated to post in any of them either way and it is hard to post a reply and have to dig through three pages to find it the next day because people post over you or ignore you... on some forums there would be ONE mega page in the general forum for general chat. It WAS indeed mostly used by groups who wound up getting a bit alienated from the rest of the forum because they only seemed to prefer interacting with each other and when they interacted with others, they had to make all these in jokes and stuff... I guess I've just never personally understood it. I'm the type of person who befriends people from anywhere... I don't feel I am associated to a "group" at all. I just talk to anyone who is nice to me... so it is weird to see people sort of separating themselves from the big group that is RYL into little subgroups. Maybe it's because I've never had a big group of friends or never been part of one (not in an emo way) that I don't fully understand the dynamic or how it works.
There's lots of people who feel too intimidated to post on RYL at all, or people who feel too intimidated to go into chat. Doesn't make chat or RYL fundamentally flawed.
I also befriend people from anywhere. I have friends from the uni thread, but I'd say I probably have considerably more friends from RYL who are NOT part of the uni student thread. And I imagine that would be the case for many people. In fact, I can think of about ten people off the top of my head who never really posted anywhere on RYL until becoming involved with the uni student thread, and who now post all over the place, having become a bit more confident from the friendly uni thread environment.
There's lots of people who feel too intimidated to post on RYL at all, or people who feel too intimidated to go into chat. Doesn't make chat or RYL fundamentally flawed.
Does not mean we should make it harder for them when we have the ability to make it easier for them.
I don't mean to be contrary, but I am one of these people who feel intimated when posting my own thread on the forum but find it easier to post on the longer threads. I guess there is less attention paid to me and if things go wrong in that thread it won't be my fault.
So in that sense, the longer threads do make it easier for me to get that support I otherwise may not be confident enough to post about.
Again, I don't mean to be argumentative or contrary, but unfortunately my opinion and experience is different, but might be that of others so I thought I would share a different view. I expect many have different views on this, horses for courses and all that. We will never please all, it should be about creating a compromise I suppose instead.
I'm not a "popular" member or a "power user" or part of a group so I'm not sure how much my contribution is worth. But I've been following this thread a while now and feel like a creep for lurking and not contributing.
I don't find group threads intimidating, just tiring. I tend not to post in threads with more than a couple of pages worth of replies because (to be perfectly honest) I can't be arsed scrolling through pages and pages of posts to gain the gist of what the thread is about/where the conversation has gone from etc. I also assume (more with threads in GA but to some extent other more "support" group threads) that the thread has become more directed to the frequent members of said thread, rather than a place for newcomers to parade in with their ideas or problems. That's just a general assumption and not something I can base on fact. I can see how they are intimidating to some people, especially if you are in a delicate state. I think when you are in a group and know the people it is very hard to see that group as anything but supportive and lovely (which I'm sure everyone in them is) but from an outside perspective the group appears tight-knit and threatening. You upset one, you upset them all sort of thing? And for many people RYL is somewhere that they use as a safe environment and that threat of ostracisation is very upsetting. It's not a problem that should be set down entirely at the groups door, I think it's a problem with the assumptions made about these groups as well as perhaps some actions (not all) that reinforce these assumptions (such as the in-jokes and such.)
However, I don't feel these things detract from my experience on RYL. I don't see group threads pushing support threads off the boards but I think perhaps it can become upsetting for people who have posted (especially in support boards) where a group thread such as The Uni one continually get updated and replied to where their thread posted hours ago has no replies. However, this isn't something I have noticed recently.
I guess I really didn't have a lot to say....
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I actually kind of agree with what you said here and I think the perhaps what you are saying isn't comig across how its meant hence people getting a bit stressy in responses!
Thanks,i maybe should've explained a little more x
